Round Table by Tony

Tony's got the latest and greatest edition of the Round Table up. Stop by and check it out.

Playlist

Last night I had dinner with a couple of friends, and during the visit I was introduced to a fantastico website called Playlist. Now, I'm sure I'm way behind on the rest of the population on finding it, but I'm saying something about it anyway - just 'cause I'm so tickled that I can listen to lots more music from some of my favorite people. See, when it comes to my spending money priorities, CDs rate plenty low and even though I adore Flogging Molly, I don't actually have much of their music. Ditto that for folk like The Mad Caddies, Bowling for Soup, Joe Nichols, Blake Shelton, George Strait, Billy Joel, etc. Now, I still get to listen to their music beyond my DC collection. It's beautiful.

As an added bonus, I can now bring home the pile of CDs I've kept on campus to listen to whilst working in the SCWP office. Since they represent about half of all the music I own, it'll be good to have them home again.

A Lolcritter

A particularly fun one, especially since it's so frightfully late at night/early in the morning.

Promises, Promises

Tonight started slow with me sitting at the bar listening to one of our regulars gossip about two of our other regulars who're having relationship problems thanks to both of them screwing around on each other. Then I got a table with two whole people and after a while Marianne and Bob wandered in, meaning I got my last pay check signed and the new schedule got posted. I'm excited about the new schedule.

A new gal starts training next week and, after talking with Marianne a bit about the best way to work that, I now hypothetically have the following week off. I said, "Can I have that Friday instead of this one?" and she said, "Well, you'd be off the whole week then. Are you okay with that?" Uh huh, I'm totally okay with that :) Of course, two weeks is a long time in the bar world, and my time off is reliant on the new gal, so I'm not quite holding my breath yet.

Guy and gal wander in, looking lost. They stand around for a minute before gal heads to the bathroom and guy sits down in the soft section (i.e. stuffed chairs). Gal comes back from the bathroom, sits down and looks lost a little longer, so I head over.
Me: Hi guys, what can I get for you?
Guy: Oh, we're not going to stay.
Me: Oh, alright.
Guy: We'll be back later.
Me: Okay.
Guy: When there's more people.
Me: I'll be counting the minutes until you return. Indeed, my night won't be complete until then. Please, don't wait too long. I don't think I could stand it.

The looking lost theme continued, with people wandering in and staring dumbly about before sitting at a table, then moving to the bar, etc. It was strange, and Dave summed it up pretty well, "What's with everybody acting stoned tonight?"

There was a football game going on tonight. We had it on our television.
Guy: What's the score?
Me: I dunno.
Guy: You don't care, do you?
Me: Not even a little bit.

Early twenties guy from the soft section goes up to the bar, says to Julia: Can I get two snakebites? (Then he sees me) Uh, can you bring those over to our table? Is that okay?
Me: Oh, I suppose. I guess it's kind of the whole reason I work here and all.
-So, I bring 'em over. According to our drink menu, snakebites are a pint of half Strongbow, half Harp. The guys look at them, look at me, look at them, look at me again, and say, "Huh? We ordered shots."
Me: These are how we make snakebites, but I can take 'em back and get you the shots instead.
Guys: Um... (Stare blankly at each other for half an hour)
Guy 1: You want the beers too?
Guy 2: I dunno, what's it taste like? (another half hour)
Guy 1: We want the shots instead.
Me: Okay, no problem. What's in 'em?
Guy 1: VO and Rose's lime.
-I scoop up the beers and put them up on the bar.
John: These goners?
Me: Yup, they want snakebite shots.
John: Oh. Well, they're usually made with Yukon, and we don't have it, so we'll just substitute with [something I forget].
Me: They say it's made with VO, so go ahead and substitute with that.
John: VO? Really?
Me: That's what they said.
John: Alright then.

Flash forward to twenty minutes later. I ring in a Michelob Ultra, Sunshine Wheat, and Coors Light for the same table.
Julia: Hey, did they want those as beers or shots?
Me: Shots, I think.
Julia: One shot of Coors Light comin' right up.

Then the poorly-tipping braintrust says they're going downstairs to play pool. This was at around ten o'clock. They lied to me. They stayed upstairs until last call, the bastards. Julia and I spent the whole time playing the pretending not to see them game and they kept walking up to the bar to order. When I whined to K.C. about the dumbasses in the corner, he informed me that they had asked him a couple of times where they "could score some blow." Very classy.

Braintrust guy standing in my way, watching me enter stuff on the POS: Wow, you're fast at that.
Me: It's called two years of constant repetition.

Finally, we came to last call. The same braintrust guy was once again standing in my way, so I made extra effort to slam empty beer bottles into the trash in the hopes of startling him. Alas, he was too far gone on booze to get the desired effect. Instead of jumping at the sound, he just turned around and slurred at me.
Guy : Are you mad?
Me: Not particularly. (Which was the truth. It wasn't anger so much as it was almost two a.m. and I was at work and he was in the way and I had long since gone past the point of caring if anybody liked me at all.)
Guy: I just want you to know, I think you're really good. You're so fast with the computer.
Me: Thanks.
Guy: I don't want you to be mad. I'm gonna give you twenty dollars. A twenty dollar tip.
Me: Okay.
Guy turned to the chickie beside him. No cash was forthcoming. I told K.C. and Julia about my impending bonus. I said, "He's gonna give me $20 and then I can retire." He closed out his tab with Julia. $4 tip on a $47 tab. He stumbled out, completely forgetting the promised $20.

Alas, I cannot retire yet. Maybe next week, eh?

K.C. It's the perfect night to make out with a chic under the stars, and here I am, at work.
-Which really says it all, doesn't it?

Easing Back In

It's January, and thereby slow, so by nine thirty tonight I was turning on my TV at home to watch the Angel series finale (so terrible, too, because the show got canned right when things were getting interesting again). I love this whole getting off before midnight thing, it's awesome, though rare.

In celebration of my return, here are some new bar quotes.

Guy from dumb table: You won't believe what Debbie's saying about you.
-Not only that, I don't even care.

Me: Here's your change.
Guy: Just keep fifty cents, I'm on a budget.

Crazy woman who ordered a frozen strawberry margarita: I'd like another shot in this margarita, it tastes weak.
Me: Sure.
Dave: Another shot? Are you serious? I made it pretty strong already.
Me: Yup, another shot, she says.
Dave: Oh well, I guess she's got to have something to complain about.

Here's one that goes out in honor of all the nimrods who like to sit at dirty tables - A couple is at a table, they've had dinner and walk downstairs for a few minutes to check out the basement. While they are gone, a guy walks in, takes a look at all the tables (most of which are empty and cleaned off) and sits down at the couple's table. Before I can get over there, the couple comes back and shoos him off. Guy said, "Oh, I thought it was empty." I couldn't help but giggle.

Lastly, here's something much less funny. Tonight, Brandi told us about a friend of hers who works at a chain place up in Denver. Brandi's friend is in the midst of some trouble which makes me once again glad I don't work at a corporate place. At this place there's a regular who has crossed the line. He's a fan of explicit sexual comments and went so far one night as to make another patron cry. Brandi's friend cut the guy off and ever since he's got a vendetta against her and goes out of his way to make her miserable.

Here's the clincher: the gal's gone to management to complain about the guy. Management's response so far has been worse than ignoring the situation - not only do they take no action against the guy, but they make Brandi's friend be the one to wait on him. Isn't that lovely? It's so bad that, after working at the place for five years, this gal is on the verge of quitting. After telling the story, Brandi talked to one of our regulars who's also a lawyer.

Here's hoping for legal action against the management of that place.

Here Goes

After two delightful weeks away from the bar, I'm due back at four o'clock this afternoon. On one hand, I've adjusted to this whole pattern of not spending my nights beer wenching and I've grown fond of nights at home (or on a tropical island). On the other hand, I've pretty well hit that point of needing to get out of the bloody house because it's way too easy not to. Also, there's that whole boredom factor going on, too. I've run through my last batch of Netflix DVDs and it'll be a couple days until I get my new batch. I'm just about finished with the Angel quasi-marathon, and I have yet to hear back from Katherine on my comp. 101 documents. So, I've not got that much to do around here.

I'm also out of cash, thanks to my material consumerism in Mexico combined with two weeks off from the bar, which limits my going out to do stuff potential. So, all-in-all, it's time to put my apron and logo T-shirt back on and be nice to strangers again. Oh boy, I can't wait. At least it'll be good to see my coworkers again, not to mention getting my last pay check signed (Yup, they forgot, but it was Xmas Eve and I was about to leave the country, so I decided it could wait). I just wonder if it's going to be totally, monstrously dead tonight. Oh well, if it is I can just tell everybody about beach combing and make fun of them for having to work while I was getting my sun burn. :)

It's 2008 Now

Here we are, in first days of 2008. Ribeye's worn out, Tony's feeling melancholy and I can relate, 'cause it sounds like he is where I was a while back. Strange how the end of the year, a totally arbitrary time with little inherent significance, can have such an impact on us. Everybody's getting ready to overhaul their bad habits, and all I've got on that count is stuff I already figured on a month or two ago. Oops.

Flash back to New Year's Eve: I just got home from Mexico earlier that morning (2 a.m.) and I'm still tired. I had planned to stay up to ring in '08 by watching The Departed, but at 10:30 I say, "Screw that, I'm tired," and go to bed. I know, I know, anything but exciting.

Yesterday I thought about making lists, decided not to, watched The Departed, was impressed (I'm starting to develop quite the fondness for Leo and his latest work), ventured to the movie theater to see Sweeney Todd, was not so impressed, stopped by mom & dad's, then spent the rest of the day cooking and wire wrapping beach glass from the trip. I also fit in writing some course documents for comp. 101 so I could send them off to Katherine for her approval/revision suggestions. All-in-all, a full day, but nothing thrilling.

Now I'm listening to some old school Elton John (Honky Chateau and Don't Shoot Me, I'm Only the Piano Player - Xmas presents from the sibling, which he forgot to wrap, saying "Oh yeah, today's Christmas" mid-way through opening presents) trying to decide what to do with today. So many options, and a few near-impending housework chores (I cooked yesterday, remember, ergo many dirty dishes). Come about two o'clock it'll be time to call the bar and see if I'm supposed to be there tonight - almost always a 'yes' on Wednesdays, but given my recent conversation with Marianne about cutting back my hours, worth double checking before I just show up. Last night I realized that, if I don't work until Friday that'll make it two full weeks since my last shift. Funny how I didn't miss it at all.

I guess the point I'm working up to here is that this year's numerical switch-over has been almost totally irrelevant to me. Life goes on, etc. I think I pretty much already marked the change a couple of weeks ago when I finished the semester. Now I just have to remember to write '08 on my checks and such (ha!).

However you did, or didn't, celebrate the annual roll-over, here's hoping that the next twelve months prove themselves to be good to you. May all your customers be good tippers, and may those who aren't reap the rewards of karmic pay-backs. May the movies you watch thrill and delight you, and may you have many pleasant surprises.

Feliz Navidad, Sorta

As fun as vacations are, I always like the part where you get home, unpack, and get to sleep in your own bed once more. First thing this morning at 2:00 a.m. when I made it through my door, I warmed up my computer and downloaded my photos. 453, my friends, that's how many I had. I must have taken at least 475, too, since I deleted some while reviewing them on the island. Digital cameras are neat.

Some Highlights:
-Getting sat next to an aggressively friendly guy on the plane who kept trying to make conversation despite my best attempts to ignore him, and who downed two Dos Equis and chewed multiple wads of tobacco on the way from Denver to Cancun. It was amazing. It was just like I was working at the bar, but without any possibility of walking away. I claimed the window seat after that.

-Riding the ferry to Isla Mujeres at 11:00 p.m. with a full moon shining, music playing, and a local woman singing along to her cute grandaughter beside me.

-Getting to know the stray dogs.

-Beach combing and finding a good 1-2 pounds of beach glass that will be perfect for jewelry, as soon as I figure out how to make it usable.

-Walking through the turtle farm and seeing all the itty bitty turtles that were about the size of my palm.

-Remembering some of my Spanish from 6th grade and hearing my brother, who took two years of IB Spanish, constantly ask people, "Do you speak English?"

-Lime flavored ice cream.

-Gorgeous architecture and decorative details.

-Seeing the skate before I stepped on him while I was wading in the ocean.

-Bumming around the hotel's open-air bar and beach, writing to Camii, taking pictures, and reading a book.

-Hearing Christmas carols and seeing Christmas decorations while walking around in shorts and a tank top.

-Having everybody (drivers, hotel staff, etc.) defer to Casey, even though all of the reservations were in my name and I was the one with all the info.
Driver: Do you have your reservation, Senor?
Casey: Uh...
Me: Here's our reservation slip.

Waiter at the hotel: Here, Senor. (Hands Casey the slip to sign for dinner)
Casey: (Slides it over to me)

And so forth. I mean, come on. Casey is obviously not an Alexandra, and yet... Feminism has not completely arrived in Mexico, it seems. Made for comedic relief though, when everybody was directing questions to him and he was giving them blank stares back.

Anyhow, when you go to Isla Mujeres, get a taxi to take you places, eat some ice cream at Cool's, skip Hacienda Mundaca, but make sure to stop by the turtle farm.

Checking In From the D/FW USO

I'm still alive and almost home. I have much less money with me now than when I headed off to Mexico, but I've traded it in for a sunburn, over-priced tourist goods, and a ton of pictures.

USOs are awesome. I guess there are some advantages to traveling with my Air Force cadet sibling. Free food, a comfy place to hang out, and incredibly friendly volunteers who are all smiles as soon as you walk in. Nice.

More later, there's a chocolate bar calling my name.

My Bags Are Packed

I've got my suitcase filled, my passport ready, and a plane ticket to warmer climes on Wednesday. I wish you all the best of luck without me, and I promise plenty of turtle pictures upon my return. In the meantime, be sure to keep up on waitstaff blogs and don't forget to check out this week's Round Table.

Faith

Working as a server teaches you about faith. People come in, sit down, and then you serve them based on the faith that they'll leave a tip. There are no guarantees, especially at my bar as we have no auto-gratuity policy on groups and such. So, every night I work, I rely on faith to get me through the night.

Anyone who's been a server longer than a week can tell you how that works out.

Last night, though, it felt like Christmas came early. I called the bar at eight thirty, said, "You guys need me to come in?"
Then, can you believe it? Brandi said, "Nope."

I ended up with my Saturday night off after all, and I'm pleased to report that I did nothing at all productive with it. Then, Camii replied to my last e-mail and said I should just go ahead and open her present early. Two seconds later I had a new jewelry caddy and some glass beads in my mits.

So, to everybody who's fed up with the holiday season, at the end of their rope, or *this* close to being homicidal... Have a little faith. Christmas is almost here and you never know, you might be getting a nifty bead caddy too.

On Forgetfulness, Forks, and Tampons

Last week I got bumped from the schedule on Saturday because the new guy was going to work it instead. This week I was back on because the new guy got booted. I was impressed. The owners, for some reason, almost never fire anyone. As one of my co-workers so aptly put it, "Why the hell do you think I'm still here?" When I asked Marianne what happened, she said, "We listened to you guys." So, the moral of the story is that you don't have to worry about losing your job because you can't do it, you only have to worry if all of your coworkers despise you. Remember that if you ever want to work at my bar.

In light of suddenly working Saturday again, I tried to finagle my way out of it with Marianne, eventually working it around to me coming in late and potentially leaving early. Last night, after talking with John and Brandi, we worked it around to me only coming in tonight if they need me. Because of this, when it got slow and came time for either Brandi or I to go home last night, I let her go even though I'd gotten there first. I figured she'd be covering for me tonight, right? I did this, despite the past evidence that any time I make a call like that, where I make a sacrifice one night in order to get something the next, it never works out. If I had to bet money, I'd bet that I'll have to go in tonight. Still, I was hoping that maybe this time the karma will work out in my favor. Cross your fingers for me.

Last month, one of my coworkers asked if I had any tampons. Last night the same coworker asked me the same question. I don't get it. Let's use a little logic here. This whole menstruation thing tends to happen regularly, what's with the lack of planning? So, she ducked out for a bit to make a tampon run. While she was gone, a couple came in. Technically, they were my coworker's table since it was her turn in the rotation. However, since she was desperately purchasing feminine hygiene supplies, they were all mine.

They order a couple of Bud Lights, then ask for a food menu. I give them dinner menus, which they look at for a while, but that's not what they want. They want an appetizer menu. Then the guy wants me to read it to him 'cause he doesn't have his glasses. Apparently, his wife(?) is illiterate. So, I name off a few of our appetizers, to which he replies, "Huh? What's that?"
Me: (enunciating lots) Spin-ach and Art-i-choke dip.
Him: What about the shrimp? (which I didn't say, which means he read it, even though he doesn't have his glasses and therefore can't read)
Me: The shrimp bowl is three dozen cocktail shrimp.
Him: Oh, we don't want that. What comes on the loaded nachos?
Me: (for the love of god, I so don't want to play this game. I rattle 'em off)
Him: Huh?
Me: It comes with jalapenos...
Him: Okay, we want that.
Me: (Hallelujah)
-Then he orders two more beers for him and the little woman, despite having barely touched the first ones I brought them. Apparently, he suffers from server-abandonment anxiety. Now, the topper on this cake is when I brought them their nachos and they asked for silverware. Yes, friends, that's right. They need forks to eat their nachos with. Finally, they asked for the check, then he asked me to read the total for him, then I got a 10% tip.

All of this because my coworker once again forgot that she's a pre-menopausal female.

It was incredibly slow for a Friday night, perhaps because of the threat of a storm, or maybe because of the twenty MPH wind. When Rob and Melissa came in, and then my friend Dorothy, it helped ease my boredom by giving me people to talk to. Later on a gal I want to high school with came to hang out in the basement. During one of my boredom-avoiding excursions to basement-land, I chatted with her a bit and found out that my brother had a nickname in high school which I never knew about. Nice.

About two hours after I arrived at the bar, a group came in. They were one of the last people to leave as we told people, "Okay, we're closed now, see ya." That's right, gang, this table was at the bar nearly as long as I was. They came, they ordered, they made no mention of separate checks, and so I put them all together because I had this thought that they wanted to be on one check instead of five. Flash forward to 1:40 a.m. when I bring the check and the group's ringleader starts pointing at people, "Okay, they're a couple, and she's a single, and they're a couple."
Me: Uh, yeah. I have no idea, at this point, who ordered what. I'm going to need your help sorting it out.
Ringleader: Okay. Can I borrow your pen?
So they all put their heads together and it takes 'em a good fifteen minutes to figure out which drinks belonged to who, and they're the ones who ordered the drinks. I kept looking over at the table and seeing two gals leaning over, pen in hand, trying to get it sorted, and I kept feeling a twinge of evil satisfaction. Ha! Take that, evil-doers.

Word to the wise - the time to tell your server you want separate checks is before you start to order, not after you've been camped out at your table for eight hours.

Gal: It's his birthday.
B-day boy: How old do you think I am?
Me: A million?
B-day boy: (cracks up)
-later, at kicking-everybody-out time.
Me: Thanks for coming, guys. You have a good night.
B-day boy: You too. Even if you did say I was a million.

To finish this off, here's a joke from Donny:
What do you call a pig in a karate class?
A porkchop!

And that, hopefully, is it for this week. And next week too, given that I'll be off on the mystery adventure vacation. Mexico, here I come!

Warm and Cozy

Wednesday was a warm one in the bar. Since it's winter, we've got the AC disconnected, but it wasn't quite cold enough for the building to cool off fast enough to keep pace with the body heat being generated within it. After about 7:30, the thermostat read either 75 or 76 degrees all night. Of course this was also the night I figured it'd be slow and I'd be chilly, so I wore my logoed sweater instead of my regular T-shirt. Fun times, lemme tell ya.

Wednesday was also the night for groups. More specifically, groups who wanted to fit into the smallest amount of space possible. We've got an octogon shaped table that sits by the ATM. It can comfortably fit six people, and cozily fit eight. By the time the whole group was there, thirteen people had smushed themselves in around this table, effectively making it too crowded for me to reach the table, thus making my job of drink delivery much more difficult than it needs to be. All this despite the fact that we have a much larger table, which can comfortably sit at least nine, literally right beside the one they chose. I mean, seriously, what the hell?

Then another group did exactly the same thing at another similarly sized table. One of the guys from this group also stole one of my prized ugly pens, too. The bastard.

Around nine thirty two early-twenties guys who've been at the bar for a while head over to the jukebox. This always causes apprehension in me because the music guys in their twenties tend to pick while at the bar is garbage most of the time. The biggest disadvantage of the nifty new jukebox is the access to things like death metal. So, you can imagine my surprise when the first song these guys pick out starts to play, and it's Toby Keith's Get My Drink On. Turns out, those two are also fans of Joe Nichols and Dierks Bentley, to name a few. It was fantastic.

About ten thirty, trivia ends and a handful of trivia people wander up and plunk down at the bar. Since I'm tired and bored, so do I. Thanks to my proximity, I got to hear a woman talking with her friend/boyfriend(?) about the joys of menopause. Turns out, she needs to get her hormones adjusted, 'cause of hotflashes and such. The reason I mention this is because, while talking about this, she made the following comment, "I just keep sweating all the time. I even feel hot right now." Now, maybe it was the menopause, or maybe it was the fact that it was 76 degrees in the bar. Who knows?

The Big One

A big storm raged in Denver today, and it headed south. I headed to work with my heavy winter coat in my car and a morbid optimism that we were in for a blizzard. I even fancied that we might have to shut the bar down early thanks to severe weather.

So, you can imagine my disappointment when the big blizzard failed to manifest. We didn't even end up with any accumulated snowfall. Instead of the excitement of a raging storm, I had only the tedium of a slow Friday and the annoyance of a ten and a half hour shift. Bah.

Clue #12

"It means 'Island of Women'."
-Mom

A quick google search later and we've got Isla Mujeres which seems to be right off of Cancun - looks like Casey was almost right after all. Though, the time zone clue was wrong, it seems. Oh well, I'm not complaining.

Clue #11

"¿Dónde está su pasaporte?"
-Dad

I'm On Flickr

I've got my first batch of photos up on flickr. To see them, go to http://www.flickr.com/photos/ali_nebula/

Fun With Frozen Things

After a couple of days of mostly staying home, and since it was a decent temperature outside, I took a walk today. I brought my camera because I've gotten in the habit of always bringing it when I go for a walk, and because I figured I'd best take advantage of the snow.











Still, my priority was to go for a walk, not to take pictures. When I got home and hooked up the camera, my computer told me I had 150 pictures. A couple were from a few days ago when I had a huge icicle hanging off the gutter, but most were just today. Oh well, so much for a photo-light walk.

I love this bird's nest shot.










Once I hit the Nature Center I walked out on the pier (?) type thing that juts out over the river. The way the snow melted and ran off on the wood planing makes for an interesting pattern.













By far, one of the highlights was when I walked over to the river by the dam where some of the slow-moving water was frozen over. Around some of the rocks there were very cool fractal-like formations in the ice. As a bonus, I even got mud all over my shoes! Worth it, though. Definitely worth it.

Clue #10

"Here are suggested items to pack:
sunscreen, swimsuit, hat, sunglasses, beach towel, shorts, sandals, $100 cash."
-Mom

At this point I'm really confident that it's an island in Mexico. The trick will be figuring out which one. In any event, we're almost through the 12 clues and mom and dad said we get to know before Christmas, so it's not going to be a mystery too much longer.

Round Table, Round 2

The next installment of the blog carnival is up at Well Done Fillet - http://welldonefillet.blogspot.com/2007/12/carnival-of-very-certain-bitterness.html