Relationship Inventory

"I hate this phrase, I always have, and I hate it because it's so true: Everything happens for a reason. It's the shittiest thing to say to someone during bad and even not-so-great times, but after it's all over and you find the reason, it's also one of the best."
-Camii

The more I think about it, the more I keep coming back to all I've learned through my relationship with Keith. We had over three years of a very good relationship where we never had screaming matches, no one cheated, and we got good at resolving problems. Now that it's over, I keep reminding myself that there are still things I can take with me.

One of the key personal things is that Keith helped me work through a very tough time in my life. The summer before we started dating, I spent three months in Arkansas running a branch office for Vector marketing. I was responsible for nearly all aspects of the office, including payroll and bills, and essentially, I was running my own business. Things didn't go so well, and the business, in all the ways that matter, failed. I took a big emotional and financial hit. Keith helped me stop blaming myself, helped me build my self esteem back up, and gave me a point of reference when I felt like everything had fallen apart. I'll always be grateful to him for that.

Another important thing I can take away is an idea of my standards for a relationship. Whenever I get involved with someone new, I now have a better defined concept of the kind of person I'm looking for, thanks to both Keith's flaws (1) and his strengths (2).

1. First off, I'm looking for someone who:
Isn't so afraid of failure that he refuses to try something risky (and I'm not just talking about getting married, either).
Is more open minded, less judgemental.
Is more sure of themselves.
Has a good idea of who they are, and is comfortable with themselves.
Has a better relationship with their family, or at least tries to.
Takes better care of themselves (Keith had a habit of going all day without eating, then gorging when he did eat (usually crap, too), and of neglecting his sleep - sometimes going off of only four hours or less a night for days at a time, etc.).
Doesn't smoke (this includes the occasional cigar - gag me).
Allows me to have tastes that differ from his - i.e. won't argue with me about why I have to like death metal, or Space Above and Beyond, or residual cigar smell. Who won't sit down on the couch with me while I'm watching Grey's Anatomy then constantly tell me how/why it sucks, etc. For crying out loud, I can enjoy my own thing, you can enjoy yours, and it doesn't have to be a problem! Of course, this was a more recent development, rather than an ongoing one.
Actually has an interest in meeting/getting to know my friends. Keith almost always declined when I invited him to an English major get-together.
Doesn't drink/drinks less. When we started, he almost never drank. Then it grew on him - not to a point most people would consider excessive (not by far) but to a point that bothered me, a drink or two most nights, getting outright drunk every month or two (including at my housewarming party, which was one of the few times he actually spent time with my friends).
Is more positive and looks for solutions to problems rather than just the problems themselves.
Gets the writing thing.

2. I'm also looking for someone who:
Likes to touch/be touched, and I'm not really getting dirty here. I'm talking about holding hands in line at the movies, an arm around each other while we watch TV kind of stuff. Keith was very physically affectionate, which I liked.
Doesn't always need to talk to feel connected, someone comfortable with silence.
Keeps their commitments (No nasty jokes, ok?). If Keith said we were going to dinner Saturday night, we went to dinner Saturday night. If he told his friends he'd be there Saturday night to smoke cigars and drink Scotch, that's where he was. Once he said he'd be there, he was.
Looks forward to seeing me.
Shows me new and nifty things - Without Keith, I doubt I'd even know what Robot Chicken was.
Gets along with my family. Keith even got to the point where he'd give my mom a hug without her asking. Sometimes.
Likes it when I spend time with their friends.
Is in touch with their goofy side.
Doesn't have "traditional" ideas of gender roles. Sometimes Keith bought dinner, sometimes I did, and he liked to cook, had no problem cleaning, doing laundry, etc.
Accepts me as-is.
Is comfortable taking charge sometimes - like coming over and saying, "Okay, this is what we're going to do tonight: first dinner, then some episodes of American Dad."
Is honest with me.
Makes me feel valued - like they lucked-out in being with me.
Likes doing things with me, and is comfortable with us doing things separately also.
Trusts me.