Affordability

Mom and I went to see Juno yesterday. A fantastic movie complete with some hilarious lines, great characters, and pregnancy jokes.

Afterwards, while I was telling Mom all about Comp. and the candidates coming to campus and all the homework, planning, reading, writing, and everything else I have to do, I mentioned that deciding to cut back my hours at the bar was the best choice I've made lately. I also said that maybe my plan to quit working at the bar in August might change to a plan to quit sooner than that.

Mom asked, "Can you afford to quit?"

It's funny that she used the word "afford" because it can refer to much more than just money. Can I afford to quit?
Do I have enough money to quit and still pay bills? Thanks to student loans, yes.
Can I afford not having that "social" part of my life? I think so, yes.
Do I have other things which are also valuable that I could spend that time on? Yes.

See, the more pressing question to me isn't if I can afford to quit. Rather, it's a question of if I can afford not to.
Can I afford to spend time at the bar while there are so many other things demanding my time?
Can I afford the late hours?
Can I afford how tired a sixteen-and-a-half hour Friday makes me?
Can I afford spending so much time serving unpleasant customers?
Those questions of affordability are much more difficult for me to answer. At one point does the cash from waitressing outweigh the negatives? At what point do the negatives outweigh the cash? What do I need most right now? Money? Something else?

I go back and forth. Ending by August feels like something I can comfortably hold to by way of letting go of the money. Ending earlier makes me uneasy, but how much of that is "the devil you know"? I know what it's like to sacrifice other things to work at the bar. It's been a long time since I've known what it's like not to.