A Good Mood, Guy Arrogant, and "Profitable"

Here's what a sixteen and a half hour day looks like: I left the house at nine o'clock this morning so I could be on campus a little before nine thirty. Then I had class, SCWP hours, a stop at my folks' to say Hi to mom and pick up mail, a stop at home to change and realize I didn't have anything to eat before work, off to Quiznos, then to the bar by four. A hope that I'd be done by midnight... of course, it wasn't meant to be. Home at two in the morning.

I'm tired.

It doesn't help that the night didn't go so well once I got to the bar.

Sure, things started innocuously enough. Hell, I was even in a good mood. Class went well today, I finally finished putting all those SCWP press packs together for Tuesday, I got the primo parking spot - literally right out the front door - and the week after next I got Friday off like I asked, and they don't need me Saturday, thus a whole week off. See? Lots of good mood.

My first batch of customers were good, if humorous in a not-laughing-with-them way.
Gal: Do you have any hors d'oeuvres, like carrots or something? Something nutritious?
Me: Yes, we have special low-cal tofurkey hot wings which are completely vegan.

Then the lawyers came. There's a group of them and most of them can be defined as neurotic, needy, and oblivious, but okay for all fo that. Except for the one who's a prick. He came in tonight too. It was "Okay, do you guys want to start a tab?"
Guy one: I do, just for me. (Hands me a card)
Guy two a.k.a. the prick: Me too, just for me. (Hands me a card)
Guy three: Me too, just for me. (Hands me a card)
Gal one: Same here. (Hands me a card)
For the love of George, gimme a break.
They play the ignoring me when I check on them then get needy two second later game for a while, then some short eternity later, they all cash out. Prick doesn't even bother to fill in the CC slip, nor to sign it. Yet, he needed olives with his damn beer. Yeah.

Then there was the already slightly drunk semi-regular guy who sat next to the computer and seemed to be hitting on me -
Guy: Is that guy's last name Priddy?
Me: Uh huh. That's his name.
Guy: Priddy. Like you.
Me: No, we're not related.
- despite the fact that every time he comes in he comes with his girlfriend, who joined him later that same night.

I've mentioned before my lack of patience with the gimme-attention types. Why, for the love of George, do they always sit right by the computer?

Now we skip ahead. It's going on eleven thirty and we've been busy most of the whole time I've been there and there have been dumbasses aplenty. After the first one left, another had taken his place, this one looking late fifties-ish who asked me, "What kind of bar would you describe this as?"
Me: A tavern, like in the place's name. Slightly Irish/English, even, like demonstrated by the flags hanging from the ceiling and the way we feature Irish draft beers.

So, it's eleven thirty. I'm tired, I've hit the mean point where I just want everybody to go away. The guy seems to have left. I plunk myself down on the stool right next to the server station. Apparently, dude just had to pee.
Guy: Hey, get your ass off my chair.
Right. I ease off it.
Guy: No, hey, I was just joking. (Then he puts his hands on my shoulders and I try and squirm out of his grasp, but I've not got much space) It's okay, don't be upset.
Except, he's still touching me and it's not that my feelings are hurt, but rather that he's still touching me and, not only is he a stranger, he's an annoying one at that. Another moment and I'm out of his paws.
Guy: Hey, it's okay. You can sit there.
But I'm already walking across the floor to put as much space as possible between us. Later, when he leaves, he tries to reassure me once again that it's okay. I have no motivation for speaking to him so I don't. He leaves looking sad.

Then the stooges arrive, soon joined by a chickie who's made it to my nemesis list ever since she stiffed me on a $50 tab. Great. They stay. Forever.

I pick up a table at the front. Guy oblivious doesn't know what he wants even though they've been sitting there a couple minutes already. Guy oblivious orders a girly martini after lengthy study of the drink menu. Six people join him and his date. They stay. Forever.

I say to Brandi: Unless there's some kind of miracle, it looks like I'm here 'til close.

Guy oblivious and pals move to another table, which is dirty so they shove all the glasses to the side. Meanwhile they've been annoying - Guy oblivious and date stiffed me on their first round. Gal stupid and her date informed me that they've already got a tab, at the bar. And Guy Blond (in the blond joke sense of the term) can't pay attention to me when I speak the words, "How are you guys doing? Is anyone ready for another drink?" and has to go up to the bar five minutes later to order.

More people join the stooges.

At about one, I'm up near the front and K.C. gets my attention.
K.C.: Hey, I was kinda mean to those guys 'cause I made 'em show me their IDs. Can you go take their order right away?
Me: Okay.
Dude with weird accent who had to stand too close to me, in that intentional invasion of personal space kind of way, gives me his credit card to run a tab.

So, this is the scene. By this time I've tried, unsuccessfully, to phase myself out, so these three tables are all I've got. Lovely, aint it? But wait! It gets better.

The stooges are ready to pay up. I bring them the tab. Guy says, "I don't think we drank that many Coronas. Who drank that many Coronas?"
Me: Well, there was the round where five of you each had one, then a couple more after that.
The table confers a bit more, which part of me finds comical because unlike them, I have not been drinking which means my math is probably more reliable, even if I am an English major. Reluctantly, they pay up. 20% tip, even. And that, my friends, was the end of my luck with customers.

Me: Hey guys, we're doing last call. Is there anything else I can get you?
Personal space guy morphs into Guy Arrogant: Come back in five minutes.
Me: Well, since we're doing last call, you'll have to order now.
Guy Arrogant: I don't want anything now, you can come back in five minutes.
Me: I would, but it's last call.
Guy Arrogant: Don't make me go up to the bar.
Me: (standing there, looking at him)
Guy Arrogant: I'll just go up to the bar.

I walk a few steps to tell my remaining table that it's last call, then I go directly to Julia and John.
Me: Hey, see that guy in the corner? Whatever you do, don't serve him. This is what he just said to me...
Julia: That one, wearing black?
Me: That one.
Julia and John: Gotcha.
Before I can get to Brandi, Guy Arrogant orders a couple shots from her. I fill her in and say please.
Brandi: Yeah, sure. I'll just tell him they wouldn't make 'em for me.

I close out the three credit cards I have (Guy Arrogant, Guy Blond, and Gal Stupid) and drop them off. Personal space guy gets up and wanders toward the bar. I notice his credit card slip isn't on the table. I pick up the two slips from the other table. 10% on both, and a helpful note from blond guy: PAY ATTENTION. Thanks dude, but that works both ways, ya know.

Meanwhile, I see personal Guy Arrogant away from the bar, empty handed. He looks my way a couple more times before getting the [expletive] out.
John: Sorry to tell ya, but he didn't leave anything for you. (Because the guy took his credit slip to the bar and left it there).
Me: Golly, I'm shocked.

And that, my friends, is how my eternally long day ended. By virtue of pure numbers (the January doldrums ended with enthusiasm and my sales neared my all-time high) tonight was in my top ten money making nights.

Funny, on a night that was so "profitable" I spent a lot of time thinking more seriously about whether or not I can quit sooner rather than later. How much is the money really worth, after all? All things considered, it wasn't worth near as much tonight as it's been on others, even if there was more of it.

The gem of it, though, was having all of my coworkers immediately backing me as soon as I told them the story with Guy Arrogant, "That guy was a dick to Ali, don't serve him."

However bad the customers get, thank goodness for my coworkers.