Abandoning Lexx, Labyrinths, and Centurions

TV Review: Lexx.

The Lexx: I am the Lexx. I am the most powerful weapon of destruction in the two universes. I was grown on the Cluster, which is ruled by His Shadow. The food was good there. My captain is Stanley Tweedle. I blow up planets for him.

I found series one online, liked it, then ventured to get the rest from Netflix. It has some fun stuff, like Lexx (the ship), Kai (the dead man), and at the beginning 790 (the robot head). Unfortunately, it seems the writers only know a few gags, like Zev’s refusal to sleep with horn-dog Stanley, and Stan’s eagerness to get laid leading them all into trouble. However, after season after season of the same old hat, I got bored. So, I’m finishing up with the last disk of the last season, just to see how it all ends and who ends up dead, but I’ve skipped about half of the last season. I don’t think I’ll miss much.

Movie Review: Pan’s Labyrinth.

Carmen: The captain has been so good to us... Please, Ofelia, call him father. It's just a word, Ofelia, just a word.

Do not take the kids to see this flick. Yes, there’s a child in the movie, but there’s a reason it’s rated R. Okay, we start out as one might expect, a fairy-tale voice over, introduce the girl and her mom, show some carved stones…Then we get to the step-father’s camp in Fascist Spain, 1944 and the fairy tale veneer slips away as the captain’s brutal side comes out and Ofelia meets a creepy faun who tells her she is a magic princess. Add some escalation, some bloodshed, and some creatures and the result is a lush and creepy story.

TV Review: Rome.

Lucius Vorenus: It makes no sense. We should have been stopped by now. Why is Rome not defended?
Titus Pullo: Our boys scared 'em off, eh?
Lucius Vorenus: Soldiers of the Republic do not run, so it must be a stratagem, a trick.
Titus Pullo: It's a good trick.
Lucius Vorenus: Unless the gods have abandoned Rome... If Mars were watching, he would not allow such a disgrace.
Titus Pullo: Maybe he was havin' a crap and missed it.
-Rome Season One, Episode Three

I’d heard about this one a bit, but didn’t hear much beyond “it’s good” so last week I decided to find out for myself. I’ve gotten through the first two disks of Season one (five episodes) and I can see why people like it. Okay, here’s the skinny: You have a few circles of characters – those around Ceasar and those around Pompey (Ceasar’s friend turned rival) and they’re in various levels of society, from slave, to soldier, to aristocrat. The focus is largely on Titus Pullo and Lucius Vorenus, two soldiers, but you also get into the home and mind of Atia of the Julii, the mother of Octavian and a conniver if ever there was one. It’s a fairly complicated set-up, and don’t worry if you don’t get everyone straight in the first episode, it’ll get clearer as you watch more.

One of the most interesting parts of the series is the contrast between Titus and Lucius. In their own ways, they’re both pretty brutal men, but they both have their redeeming moments, too. So, they end up see-sawing a bit between who’s doing the right thing – kind of neat. Just when you get to a point where you can say Lucius is the more noble of the two, he goes and does something that makes Titus look good in comparison.

Also fun – all the historical bits interlaced throughout. I love their use of graffiti, and the political intrigue is cool. Another bonus: James Purefoy (aka the Black Prince in A Knight’s Tale) as Mark Antony.

Final Covers (Maybe)

Whew, that was a lot of messing about. I finally found Microsoft Photo Draw on this computer and got that going for cover design. Ugh, if only I'd used it from the start. Oh well, I'll just chalk it up to blonde-ness and move on. I'm ready to send Katherine some covers and either get a decision on which to use, or get suggestions on what else to try.

Here are some of the finals:

This one is my favorite:

Transparent

"What are you reading now?"

-One of Jenny's favorite questions

Book Review: Transparent: Love, Family, and Living the T with Transgender Teenagers, by Cris Beam.

I ventured out to the library last night, and this book caught my eye. I found a place to sit, opened it up, and read almost half in one sitting. Let’s face it, gender identity and sexuality are interesting topics which are growing less taboo. You definitely never would have seen Queer as Folk in the fifties.

So, what happens is you end up with about three categories: biological sex, gender, and sexual preference. For most people, biological sex and gender match, and sexual preference is heterosexual. For some, there’s a shift. The weird thing is, a lot of people seem to get uncomfortable with anyone who’s outside the “norm.” It’s scary to hear of all the gay bashings and other assaults, some of which Beam talks about. Just because someone’s a biological male who wears female garb, that’s enough to permanently injure them? Come on.

Beam, a non-transgender lesbian, talks about the transgender/transsexual teens she met while volunteering, and talks about those teens’ experiences in the transworld. There’s some crazy, hateful stuff. Kids who are literally thrown out because they identify with the opposite gender. I can’t imagine throwing my son out because he wears dresses, that’s too cruel. Of course, these examples come from overall dysfunctional families, so it’s not as big of a stretch to imagine an abusive crack addict disowning their child as it is to imagine people like my parents doing the same – though I know my parents would be uneasy with the concept.

Anyhow, good book. Beam only wanders into the realm of the sappy “I want to be your mommy” once or twice, and she gives a lot of information, most of it disturbing. I’d definitely recommend it to anyone interested in the topic.

Writerly Blogs

"In which Miss Snark vents her wrath on the hapless world of writers and crushes them to sand beneath her T.Rexual heels of stiletto snark."
-Miss Snark's Blog description

For a while now, I've heard Deb talk about the agent and editor blogs she reads on a regular basis. So, I've decided to check some of them out. You'll see I've added links to two of them on the sidebar. Funny stuff, and very informative. Go read them. Now.

February 2007 Meeting

"I just wasn't interested."
-Part of Oliver's critique of he who shall remain unnamed

I walked in to the back room of Barnes & Noble to find two surprising things:
1. A whole four visitors
2. A member who previously went AWOL, presumed dropped-out

Visitors can be fun, so no worries there. However, I was markedly less pleased to see the returned member. We worked long and hard to chase him away, damnit! Why am I so mean? He wrote a saga about a twelve-year-old girl prodigy hero who had, like mood swings, vast changes in character. She often went from whiny sprat to the gal all the adults followed within the distance of only a paragraph. There were other problems, too, some of which were kinda creepy – like how the EVIL spaceship captain was going to rape her. It just wasn’t right. Whenever you are an adult male writing about a twelve-year-old girl threatened with rape, you must tread very carefully. Not to mention that he stayed with the rape/violence to young gals in a handful of short stories he submitted to the group after giving up on the space saga. A bit disturbing. Now he’s back. On the bright side, he did mention that he might move to one of the other groups. I’ve got all my fingers, and toes, crossed for that one.

The good news is that our own child (okay, not child, he’s legal) prodigy, Oliver, has returned after missing two months to go sing and be at a sibling’s birthday party. Also fortunate was his critique of another member’s submission. Brief note on this other member – he’s arrogant, condescending, and writes poorly (excellent combination). So, hearing Oliver’s critique was definitely a high point. While very smart, Oliver lacks tact, so while you can count on him to make good points in a critique, you can also count on him to sound a bit insulting – not intentional, but still there. He’s known to make comments like, “this annoyed me” or “I just didn’t care if he died.” Great fun.

During dinner after the meeting, we got on the topic of a group romance novel Jenny got some of us English majors started on a few years ago during a night at the bar. The hilarious part was that each person would take their portion right up to the point where things were about to get dirty, then pass it on. The next person would then do a fake out in the lines of “but just then, her father walked in…” then build up to getting dirty and pass it. This wasn’t planned, but things just worked out that way, much to our entertainment. She’s planning to take some seeds from that night to create a whole novel, the outline of which sounds hilarious. I told her she should start it ASAP, but she was being obstinate and talking about some other project she wanted to do first. Bah!

However, those of us at dinner decided to honor the endeavor by creating our own multi-authored romantic saga. Starting with Oliver, one person each month will write a sequential chapter of the novel. It should be fun.

Designing the Cover

"You'll have to buy Adobe Photoshop, I can't just download it."
-Tech Help Guy

What a pain in the ass. I have no photoshop programs on this computer, nor is buying one an option. Thus, I had to scramble and do some trial and error to figure out just how in the hell I was going to design the Anthology cover. Finally, I figured I might be able to pull it off in Word.

Converting from word to PDF creates problems, but at least I have something to work from. Here's my first prototype cover (includes front & back).

Dangley

Green seed beads and blue and purple faceted pony beads hung on chain.

Dumbass Undergrads

"I'm looking for the office of __"
-Undergrad

Okay, yes she has office hours here. But, this is not the time for her office hours. Then, he asks me when her office hours are, like I keep track. All I know is that I don't come in until 11:30 on Thursdays so I won't interrupt them. The brilliant thing is, though, every professor in the world has this nifty thing called a syllabus, and guess what? That's where their office hours are listed. Pay attention, it helps.

See? Still a bit grouchy. I really want to go home, not to the bar. Ugh, again.

Close, But Not Quite

I got up this morning, plugged my camera into my computer and started downloading pictures from yesterday - 84 total - while I hopped in the shower. When I got out, all the pictures were on my computer, so I stuck them on a disk and put it by my keys. Well, I later picked up my keys and walked away, knowing I'd be back for the disk.

Right. I got to campus and said, "Damnit!" No disk. No picture editing fun today. I'm inordinately bummed about that. I don't think it helps that I'm still sick, though not as much as before, and I'm going to be working at the bar tonight. So, I sound bad because of my congestion and I get to talk to people all night when I'd much rather be at home in bed. Ugh.

Anthology Progress

"Ok, I've added Adobe [on his end] and it'll take up to an hour to get to you."
-David from the Tech Office

In the process of trying to do this anthology, it’s been funny to see what kind of problems have popped up. For one, the printer prefers PDF documents, and until today, I had no way of making any. Then I called Tech help and, with minimal trouble, got him to upload/download/whatever-the-hell Adobe onto my computer via the network from his computer. Wow, mouthful. So, now I have PDF capabilities. Then, I got to do cut ‘n’ pasting for a while, then spend some time making formats consistent, then E-mail Katherine to find out which schools the 2005 TCs (Teacher Consultants/i.e. Institute Participants) are affiliated with.

The fun part is that I brought my spiffy new digital camera along today and just spent a good forty minutes wandering around campus in the wind, regretting that I didn’t have some kind of hair restraint device, and taking pictures. I took two kinds of pictures: textures and images. I’m thinking a two-layer cover design where one of my texture pictures will go from the front to back cover, and the front will be highlighted with a piece of artwork I photographed. The University likes artwork, so I got to get some mosaic pictures and one of a giant (10 ft. or more tall) paper airplane sculpture. The sculpture makes me excited, because paper airplanes fit in with writing! Hey, it’s a notebook paper airplane, so it’s even lined. The trick will be if it works. I’m not sure because there’s a lot of background to it, even if I crop. I guess I’ll just have to try it and see. Cross your fingers. I'll put up some pictures once I get them downloaded.

Another highlight of the day was realizing that the price quote I got from Fidlar Doubleday is now a moot point because I used a page count that included the 2005 essays, but not the 2006. So, we go from approx. 105 pages to 165. Whups. Still, I don’t imagine the price will be that much different (I’m really hoping not).

Special bonus: my cold is fading, a bit. I’m no longer the walking plague, though I still sound horrible. Less mucus, though, which is always good.

Purple Net

Sometime ago, maybe a year already, Beadbox went out of business. During their clearance, I ordered some square-ish purple swirly beads. Then I tried to figure out what to do with them. Over Christmas break, I found myself sitting in front of the TV working on bead projects. Since I had a lot of time to kill, I focused on necklaces that were a little more labor intensive than straight forward stringing. This necklace started out as a daisy chain, then, when that didn't take long enough, I added a few layers of net and finished the last off with the purple beads I'd been trying to do something with for a while. Viola!

When I was trying to get good pictures of my jewelry, I tried using a piece of tan flannel as my back drop. While I like the texture, I don't care for the color. Ah well, I'll just have to keep trying.

What SCWP is About

"The best teachers of teachers are other teachers.
The best teachers of writing are writers themselves."
-Writing Project Saying

I realized that, while I make mention of the SCWP (Southern Colorado Writing Project) here and there, I have never actually said what it was. Oops. The jist: The Writing Project got started in Berkeley in the 70's. It emphasizes that learning any subject will be helped by writing. The idea is to gather together local K-16 teachers to get them writing and thinking about how to use writing in their classes. It's a neat idea, and I believe it really works - and I've seen some evidence, too. The SCWP is a relatively new pranch of the National Writing Project. If you're still curious, here's the website http://www.scwponline.org

My part in it is as Katherine's assistant. The particulars of my job vary quite a bit, but focus on peripherals - like making copies, creating lists and documents, or sending out mailings. The real fun/challenge comes from the anthologies. SCWP does two types of anthology: an essay anthology which comes out of writing produced during the Institute, and a Writing Marathon anthology which comes out of writing produced by Marathon participants. So far I've done editing work on both types of anthology, and now I'm working on publishing the 2006 essay anthology. It's scary, because I'm more or less doing it all: formatting, design, layout, etc.

The bonus of being the SCWP assistant is that I get to pick up a lot via osmosis. Transcribing feedback sheets tells me about what's going on in teachers' heads. Copying hand outs gives me an idea of general discussions. Going to meetings gives me gossip on local school politics. The list goes on. The osmosis has been helpful for me in terms of thinking on how I ought to run my own class - assuming I'm accepted for a TA this coming fall.

Kids, Publishing, and Chocolate

“You rock, Ali!”
-Katherine

The past couple of days have been fairly eventful for me. Eventful enough so that I’m very much looking forward to Friday, when I’ll have a day off.

Saturday: Okay, mostly positive. When I saw the schedule, I knew it was too good to be true. Me, the first one in on a Saturday (and thus, the first to go home)? Right. The minute I got to the bar on Saturday, Dave told me that Rebecca called in sick, so it was just me all night. No problem, I thought, it’s been dead for over a month. Ha! Saturday was not so dead. In fact, I set a new personal sales record $908. A hectic night, but ultimately a profitable one. Next month’s car payment, here I come!

Sunday: Polymer day. I spent about four hours experimenting with canes and making beads – ended up with about five or six necklaces worth.

Monday: Started an overnight babysit, which means a nice check in my wallet.

Tuesday: Did the substitute mom thing, including waking up really early, getting a five-year-old ready for school, picking the five year old and two of her friends up for lunch and tennis (and oh-what-fun it is to wrangle two four-year-old boys with lots of energy), and going to gymnastics. Then, after Carly had her bath, I corrupted her mind because we watched Miami Ink while I combed out her hair. Okay, I’m not worried about the corruption. Miami Ink is a nifty show which emphasized artistry and personal stories vs. the “so cool” non-conservative aura of tattoos. To top it off – this gal who lives and breathes cartoons actually liked it.

Wednesday: Finished babysitting once the kids were off to school and came to the office to find a nifty e-mail. I’ve been collecting publishing price quotes for the Writing Project’s 2006 Essay anthology. Fidlar Doubleday can do the project (approx. 100 pages, 150 copies) for about $500, which is nearly a grand less than Katherine’s total budget for the project. I’m feeling kinda pleased with myself on that one. Now I just have to get the anthology ready for publishing – which is something I’ve never done. Right now the anthology is a handful of Word documents which have been proofread, but that’s about it. I have to now combine them, format them, create a contents page, etc. and then convert them to a PDF so I can send the “output ready” document to the publisher. Oh yeah, and Katherine’s given me the job of designing the cover also. So, aside from actually printing the book, I’ve kind of been delegated to being the publisher. On one hand – mundo cool. On the other – very scary and intimidating.

In other news - it's Valentine's day, so there's chocolate cake in the main office. Yay!

One for Katherine

In lieu of getting each other Christmas gifts, Keith and I took a trip to Denver where I picked up some bronzite and gold pearls. I put them together and when I wore it to the office, Katherine asked to buy it. She quite liked the bronzite - which I think is cool, it's a very unusual looking stone.

Lightly Frosted

"Wow."
-Misty

Last night as we were leaving Katherine's class, Misty and I were more than a little surprised to find pea soup fog waiting for us. Thick stuff. It was pretty impressive. On the first stretch of the drive home, through mostly deserted highway, I could hardly see beyond my headlights. Pretty unusual in Colorado. This morning was neat, though, with all the fog frozen on the plants. Here are some pictures from my back yard.

A Dog Named Jack and the Metafictional Girl

Hostess at exclusive restaurant: And when were you hoping to dine with us?

Alex: Two years from tomorrow.

Hostess: Two years from tomorrow?

Alex: Yeah.

Hostess: Two years?

Alex: From tomorrow.

-The Lake House

Movie Review: The Lake House. A lovely romance adapted from a Korean movie. Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock both give good performances and I love their dog. The only problem is that the main premise - the time crossover - doesn't make sense. Obviously, these people missed their prerequisite Star Trek episodes. Moral of the story: don't fuck with quantum physics. Well, that's exactly what Bullock and Reeves do. Okay, that minor incident aside, what about the damn mailbox? Why the hell is it suddenly a time portal? I mean, as far as premises go... If they had some kind, any kind of explanation for it, I'd be willing to bite. The problem is, they don't. So, it's a nice story as long as you ignore the logic holes and lack of continuity.

Movie Review: Lady in the Water. I heard mixed things about this one. Some liked it, some didn’t, and most figured it worthwhile for the metafiction more than the story itself. Well, when the gal’s name is Story, the metafiction is pretty obvious. I liked the sweetness of it, the metafiction stuff was interesting, but come on – why does everyone go along with it so easily? If my neighbor said, “Hey, this girl is a sea nymph and you’ve got to help me fight sod monsters,” I’d probably nod, smile, and lock the door. Most interesting was the writerly stuff, very fun was the critic stuff, and kind of lame was the rest of it.

Picture

Your dad failed!
-Mom

N.O.W. & Sales

"Which one do you think Tamar would like better?"
-Chris

Last week some of David's friends from PA came to visit and Anissa talked up my jewelry, saying they shold buy something for their wives. I brought some necklaces to Eilers on Friday (where David was singing) and Chris picked out the red necklace from my first N.O.W. post, while Brent ordered one to match the necklace I made for Anissa. She picked one out, also, which she wants modified. So, three necklaces in one night. Not bad - makes me smiley.

Anissa liked this necklace, but without the pendant and with a silver toggle vs. a gold one. Okay, no problem. A quick remake and viola! Another necklace for Anissa.

Grr...argh

Alas, 'twas not meant to be.

http://whedonesque.com/comments/12385#more

Hopefully, this means he can get to work on Goners, finish it up quickly, and get on to the next project. TV, Joss, do more TV. I'd much rather have the forty-odd minutes of show every week than two hours of movie every other year.

Dope, Dogs, and Stop Animation

Matthew: "She doesn't want a relationship with someone irresponsible. And I don't want a relationship with someone who isn't Nicky."
-Craig Ferguson, Saving Grace

Movie Review: Saving Grace. Sure, the blurb on Netflix sounded good, but I wasn’t expecting to laugh so much. I got to hand it to Craig Ferguson, the man’s funny. As both co-writer and co-star of the movie, he does a good job of showcasing his talent. Though it has some sweet, emotional, and even tense moments, the movie is founded on clever lines and goof ball antics. Great performances from the cast, and wonderful, wonderful humor.

Movie Review: As Good As it Gets. Okay we have a neurotic Jack Nicholson, gay Greg Kinnear, and frustrated Helen Hunt. Should be funny, right? Yeah, it’s funny. Nicholson is good at doing crazy and the way he and Kinnear play off each other is beautiful. There’s the dog, too. Beautiful. But, then something goes terribly wrong. Somehow the film makers thought they could get me to believe that Helen Hunt would somehow be attracted to Jack Nicholson. Come on folks, he’s crazy, he’s old, he’s not very pretty, and more than a little gross. Oh hubba hubba. Give me a break. The funny is good, the lovey falls apart.

Movie Review: The Corpse Bride. Nifty stuff, really. Stop motion animation is crazy stuff, and the crew on this movie put in a lot of TLC. Add to that the talents of Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, Emily Watson, and Christopher Lee, and you get a very fun movie. At just over an hour, it’s a quick watch, but very worthwhile.

Nuggets

This is the necklace I'm wearing today. It's made up of dark dyed shell nuggets (which I thought were super nifty when I found them at the Bead Gallery in Springs), metallic seed beads, and irregularly shaped red glass. The pendant was salvaged from a necklace I had years ago.

Bar Etiquette, Part 2

A bar is a public space. Please refrain from behaviors you would not do in other public spaces, like the library. These include: yelling, throwing food, and being intimate with the person you either came with or just picked up-we really don't need to see you groping each other, thanks. Remember, there are both people who work at the bar, or who are patrons, who will be subjected to your behavior. This is a great circumstance for the golden rule: If you don’t want people at the table next to you screaming and hollering, you really shouldn’t do so either.

Keep your hands off the server. If you are trying to get their attention, saying “excuse me” works wonders. You do not need to grab, poke, or prod the server to get them to look at you. Also, please refrain from putting your arm around the server, or similar grabs. Unless we are close friends, grabbing me is intruding on my personal space, and I am not pleased. Remember, folks, three-foot bubble of personal space. If the music is incredibly loud, or the server is distracted, and “excuse me” does not work, then you may tap the server on the shoulder. However, like I said, do not grab.

Please pay attention to the person who gets your drinks. If you are sitting at a table and the server comes to check on your table, that is the ideal time to order a new drink. Five minutes later when the server is walking past your table to check on another is not. This rule also applies when you are sitting at the bar. If you are sitting at the bar and facing away from the bartender (such as being turned around to talk to someone standing away from the bar) do not be surprised when the bartender lacks the psychic insight to know when you want a new drink. When ordering a new drink, face the bar/bartender long enough for them to give you the new drink and take the money for the drink. The bartender has other customers and would rather not yell to get your attention so they can give you the drink you ordered thirty seconds ago. Bonus: if you really want to talk to your friends, move to a table. Then you can all face each other and a server can take care of you.

Please pay attention to your surroundings. This particularly applies to people who are standing because they sometimes stand in the middle of a walkway or in front of the server’s station. Key indicators that you are in the way: being repeatedly asked to step aside, or you are standing in front of a computer screen. Please realize that the only way, especially at the bar where I work, for a server to get a drink for a customer is for the server to enter that drink into the computer. Please be courteous enough to take a few steps to the side where you are not interfering with the server’s job. Ditto this for the portion of the bar-often marked with vertical rails-where the server picks up their drinks.

Run a tab where you start it. If you start a tab at the bar, please stay at the bar. If you start a tab upstairs, please stay upstairs. If you start a tab at a table, please stay at a table. The key point here is that when you run a tab, and we run your credit card to close it, one person gets the tip. This means starting a tab with a bartender, then moving to a table and adding to that same tab while a waitress serves you, means the waitress gets stiffed. Of course, a lot of co-workers will divvy the tip with cash, but it’s a hassle. Please close out your bar tab before moving to a table, or consider tipping each person cash. This means you’re acknowledging that two people, not just one, took care of you.

Last, but not least: If you get cut off, don’t throw a fit. It’s in the bartender or server’s best interest not to cut you off. The more drinks you order, the more tips we get. So, if we say you’ve had enough, please accept that. We’re saving you money, throwing up, a worse hangover, etc. Also, being cut off does not necessarily mean we want you to leave. Most of the time we’re more than happy to bring you a glass of water and let you stick around. Limiting your alcohol does not mean we don't like you, it just means you've had enough.

Bar Etiquette

I’ve been waitressing for over a year now and I’ve noticed certain situations where people lack etiquette. Maybe they’re doing it on purpose, but maybe they just don’t know better. Here are some thoughts on ways to make yourself look good when you’re out and about in a bar or restaurant.

Remember what your mother taught you - Thank You never goes out of style. When a server brings something to you-whether it be the drink you ordered or an extra napkin, it never hurts to thank them. Also, remember to request things, not demand them. “Could we get some popcorn?” is a lot more polite than, “We need some popcorn.” The occasional “Please” will score you bonus points.

Patience is key. When you’re the only customer, your server can bring your drinks right away. However, when you’re one customer of fifty and there’s only one bar tender, it may take some time. Be a little gracious. Try to refrain from demanding “Where’s my __?” and/or waving wildly at the server as if they forgot you. Your drinks are coming, really.

15% tip is standard. Servers get paid less than minimum wage. It’s hard to pay rent on $3.00 an hour. This is why we rely on customers to tip. The bonus for you is that we want to make you happy so we get a good tip. Unless service is very poor (and if this is the case, consider talking to a manager), you are expected to tip 15% of your total bill. If you don’t have the money to do so, it’s a good night to stay home. Here’s a bonus-when you’re a regular and a good tipper, you’ll get the star treatment. Feel like getting spoiled the next time you come in? Consider a 20% tip. Usually the difference is only a dollar or two, but the server will remember you.

Don’t fight over the bill. You and your friend both want to pay, so you both hold cash in front of the server. Then the server must try and figure who’s money to take without offending one or both parties. Try this instead: if you really want to pay the bill, pull the server aside when you sit down and ask that he/she give you the check at the end of the night. Or, split it with your friend. Say, “Okay, you pay the bill, I’ll pay the tip.” This way you both save face and the server doesn’t have to worry about offending you.

Last but not least: Don’t hit on the waitress. Being friendly is one thing, saying “You’re so hot” is another. Bonus tip: If you are going to hit on the server, whatever you do, don’t stiff them on the tip.

Necklace of the Week

"Yay"
-Me, on Friday

I had lunch with my mom on Friday, and when she came to the door, she came with a box marked Vanns.com. My camera! I was pretty cheezed. After lunch, I got to playing around with it and over the weekend did some experiments on how to best photograph my jewelry. While I’m still not one-hundred percent thrilled with the results, I’m quite happy with how well the details of the beads come out.

Anyhow, I started taking pictures of necklaces I think I could sell and ended up with forty-five. Neat. I also got to thinking of doing a Necklace of the Week type post. I may change the regularity, but that’s what it’ll start as. My first piece is one I made over Christmas break. I’ve worn it to campus twice and both times received a compliment on it-once from Constance and once from Katherine. It’s one of what I like to think of as my signature necklaces (when I think of what an artiste I am, in my head). I consistently get more compliments on these than most other necklaces I make. The pendant and corresponding beads are made of polymer clay which I hand-mix, meaning no batch is exactly the same. The pendants are hand-formed, and the other beads were rolled with a bead roller. (FIMO clay with silver spacers, blue goldstone, and malachite)

This week, since it’s week one, I’m going to do a bonus pic. This one was one of the first necklaces I made in this style. The gloss comes from my experiment with covering the polymer with embossing powder before I baked it. The polymer beads on this necklace were entirely hand formed/rolled. (Sculpey clay with labradorite and metallic seed beads)

The Red Button

"Delete this blog"
-blogger.com

A while back, I started a "writerly" blog, thinking it'd be my professional type blog. One I could refer people to and say, "Look how well I can talk about writing, there's my vast knowledge." The only problem, I hardly ever updated it. Now I can label. Now anyone who wants to expose themselves to my vast knowledge has it in their power to just click on the "Writing" button and immediately pluck out the relevant posts. Viola!

I have to say, though, I quite liked the blog name "The Greater Conversation." Oh well. Life goes on.

Feeling A Bit Professional

Me: What's your favorite color, Midori?
Midori: [shyly] Pink.
-From earlier this morning. Picking out beads.

About a week ago, Kiera (from the bar) brought over some of her grandmother's "pearl" jewelry for me to refurbish/update. I've been hearing about this jewelry for a while now, and we'd been talking about redoing it for a few months. From what she said about the jewelry, I was expecting genuine pearls, so I was a bit disappointed when they turned out to be glass. Oh well, still interesting stuff. I mean, it’s neat to think I got to dismantle this heirloom stuff that’s older than I am.

Kiera left me with three necklaces and some notes on what to do with them. Basically, we planned to get five necklaces and a bracelet out of them. This morning she picked up most of the finished pieces. I’m still working on two necklaces for her daughter, Midori, but they won’t take long at all. I’m excited at being near to finishing the job-my first major custom project. I feel all professional or something. I’m just sad that I have no pictures to share. Oh well, after I get my camera in the mail, I think I’ll ask her if I can take some pictures.

Other nifty news: Katherine bought one of my polymer necklaces for a friend, Anisa, who liked it so much she’s going to talk to a gal she knows (who is a curator for the local arts center) about including some of my jewelry in an upcoming “Own Your Own” show, which features crafty stuff local folk have made. The show’s in February already, so the spots may all be filled. Then again, there may be some room for me-assuming, of course, that this gal likes my work. Cross your fingers for me.

Lumix

"I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it..."
-The Pointer Sisters

For a while now, I've been contemplating getting a digital camera. I've been looking around a bit, finding some things out - like optical zoom is better than digital zoom. This morning, I ordered a camera from vanns.com.

Hoorah! It should be here in about a week. I'm excited.

Catch-up news. Tonight is my first night of class for the Spring semester. I have a linguistics class which focuses on phonemes and morphemes by way of teaching ESL. It should prove useful, if not exactly fascinating. Of course, Ted Taylor's teaching it, and his enthusiasm for linguistics makes the dry material more interesting. This man is one of those people who's a walking encyclopedia. I'm not kidding. It's impressive how much obscure information he can rattle off. Nice guy, too. Should be a good class.

I'm ready for school, too. Every break I end up hitting a point where the free time catches up to me and I finally say, "Okay, I'm bored." That point was Friday night.

Thursday, Keith and I ventured up to Denver to see the aquarium. It was pretty neat, but no comparison to the one we visited in Virginia. Of course, it only stands to reason that an aquarium which is half a mile from the beach is going to be more impressive than one that's a few thousand miles from the beach. We also hit a bead shop, Bead Haven (www.beadhavendenver.com). Not the biggest bead shop I've seen, but a very dense one. Good semi-precious selection, too. I got some bronzite, which I don't see often. Nifty stuff, goes well with the gold pearls I picked up.

Speaking of My Brother...

He took Sophmore pictures at the Air Force Academy a while back, here's one of the proofs my mom e-mailed me. I have to say, he looks rather smart in his uniform.

Seeing Old Friends

"That's a hell of a Christmas Present."
-Keith, after I told him.

Got a call from my mom last night - bad news. Bear with me just a moment while I set up the relationships:
My brother, Casey, has a friend who he's known since Day Care: Jason, whose dad, Roger, works with my mom.
Casey has another friend whose sister Alisha had a baby with Jason.

My mom called to tell me what Roger told her-the baby died. Alisha fed the baby and put the baby to bed. When she checked on the baby later, the baby was blue. SIDS.

Thus, last night my brother was reunited with people he hasn't seen in a while. He spent the evening with Jason, Alisha, and the family. Mom told me how, when Alisha came to pick Casey up, she walked in, grabbed him, and didn't let go for a good five minutes.

Movie Review: The Man Who Cried. A fitting movie to talk about, given the phone call from last night. It's an artistic film with wonderful music. It skirts WWII while at the same time addressing a lot of its issues - namely racial and religious prejudice. On the DVD "production notes" is a blurb that talks about the film maker's inspiration for the movie - remembering those who lost people they loved. Christina Ricci, Johnny Depp, Cate Blanchett, and John Tuturro star. Highlight: The songs which are always lovely and often haunting.

On a lighter note: I also got in touch with a friend I don't see much. Monday night I got a phone message from my friend Cassie, who I went to middle & high school with and who's now in Ft. Collins at CSU. Yesterday we had lunch, did a bit of shopping, and caught up. It was nice to see her again. Out of all the people I went to high school with, she's one of the few I've kept in touch with. The other three have extenuating circumstances. For instance, one's my brother.

Vertigo, Pt. 2

No quotes today, nor movie things. Just a quick, "yes, I'm still alive," kind of post.

Well, I was wondering. So far it's been pretty reliable, but I was trying to be optimistic, thinking maybe I'd make it through this year with out getting slammed with a bug. No dice. For the past few years, sometime between December and February, I end up getting horribly sick. I'm not sure if it's a stomach flu or what, but it's damn reliable. Two years ago it struck in February, last year it hit the weekend right before finals (which ended up being a horrible mess - a two day fever over the weekend, followed by another handful of nasty vertigo days during finals). This year, it hit yesterday. I was up at five thirty in the morning, hunched over the toilet. What fun. Repeat roughly every half hour until around noon - that was my day.

Now that the throwing up is over, the vertigo has settled in. Used to be, my vertigo wasn't particularly tied to getting sick, it just cropped up whenever it wanted to. Now, only when I get sick. On one hand, it's nice because that means only once or twice a year instead of half a dozen or more. On the other hand, it means having to deal with throwing up and having a wicked case of the dizzies all at the same time.

What the hell am I talking about? Good question. I didn't even know until I was in high school. All I knew was that every now and again, I'd spend a few days having to be really careful about walking into bright lights, turning my head too fast, etc. It wasn't until my doctor sent me to an ear/eye specialist that I had a name to go with it, Vertigo. It's an inner ear problem that is infamously unpredictable, but which tends to lessen as the person with it gets older.

Put another way, it's kind of like getting migraines in that movement and bright light tend to be bad things. Instead of pain in the head, though, I get bouts of feeling like someone's grabbing my head in one hand, my stomach in the other, and squeezing with both. Not fun. Each time veries in its severity, one time I couldn't sit down or stand up without having to hold onto something. Other times, it's just a brief moment here and there. Fortunately, this time is fairly mild. Still a pain in the ass, but it could be worse.

Added bonus: computer monitors for some reason really aggravate it.

Amateur Night

“Ali,
I found this an interesting paper; informative. However, as I said before about this particular paper, the burden is on you to convince me that you have demonstrated theoretical sophistication in your approach. I don't neccesarily see a lot of that here.”
Dr M – Emailed comments on the rough draft of my final paper.

This is a verbatim quotation. I decided to keep the spelling error intact. Yeah, it’s kind of petty, but my irritation level feels it’s warranted. Let me just do a brief rant here – How the fuck does his reply help me? It’s a fifteen page paper. What does he mean by theoretical sophistication or how I’m lacking it? I don’t have the first fucking idea. Oh yeah, and the “as I said before” – he didn’t. It was a different paper he made that comment about. I told him what I wanted to do for my final and he said “I think that’ll work.” Dumbass.

Let me qualify – In his description of what he wanted in our final papers, he said “Three different critical approaches, stay away from jargon. I should be able to tell what you’re talking about without it.” Okay. So, I took that to mean that instead of saying “Now I’m going to take a Marxist perspective,” I should say, “One central theme that is illustrated through dialogue is the economic, and therefore class, differences between the characters.” Apparently, that’s not sophisticated enough. Why? Fuck if I know, he sure isn’t saying.

Of course, I thought it’d be more helpful to talk to him in person about my paper anyway. However, when I stopped by his office during his office hours yesterday, he was not to be found. I sat down and waited for nearly an hour, doing critiques for my writing group to kill the time. He never showed. Ditto that when I checked back a few times later. I had to resort to e-mail, because the man himself was nowhere to be fucking found. Notice the plethora of F-word, eh? I like it when I’m frustrated and angry.

My reaction, after the expletives, was a general “screw it.” I went back to my paper, added a few sentences to make things more blatant, and called it good. It’s now printed and ready to be handed in. I’ll do no more to it for his benefit. Sorry, I’m just not going to.

In related news, last night at the bar was what Dave called “Amateur Night.”

I really wanted to start this post off with a Dave quote from last night, but I couldn’t remember anything exactly. The closest I can get is him remarking on the urge to break faces. Dave is a fifty-three year old bartender. He is very laid back, makes a lot of jokes, and doesn’t get riled that often. He also is very big on courtesy. So, when Dave makes a comment about wanting to maim people, you know it’s no ordinary night.

For some reason, shit heads flocked to the bar last night. Mostly they were my age folks who didn’t know how to tip – or were asses enough to just not. Some tipped poorly, some didn’t tip at all. My favorite example: A very obese gal sat down, had a drink, had some dinner, and when her friends joined her, had another drink and more food. She gave me a credit card, and the slip looked like the following:
Subtotal: $20.00
Tip: $0.00
Total: $20.00
Adding to the bitchiness, and generally topping things off, was a note at the bottom. It read: [No Tip]. What the fuck? I didn’t ignore her. I didn’t make fat jokes. I was pleasant and gave her the shit she asked for. Her friends paid for their own drinks and an appetizer each, both left me a few dollars tip. Did she just figure they were tipping me for her? I mean, what the fuck?

It wasn’t just the youngsters, either. Later in the evening a large group of middle aged folks came in. Some had food. They mostly tipped like shit too. One couple had drinks and hot wings, I got them a box to take the extra home.
Subtotal: $15.00
Tip: $0.00
Total: $15.00
They left a dollar on the table. Do people realize how insulting it is to have a less-than-%10 tip? Or are they just being assholes?

For a good three or four hours straight, I was running from one table to the next, to the bar, and back again. My total sales for the night were $912 and change. That is the most I’ve ever done in one night. Somehow, I got enough decent tippers to almost balance out all the assholes. So, even though it was a pain-in-the-ass night, I made okay money. The fantasy football guys helped, they’re pretty nice and leave a good tip. So did the gal from the Christmas party and Rob and Melissa. Rob and Melissa are regulars and Melissa’s a student at the university. They’re nice and I usually chat with them a while when they come in. It was good they came in yesterday, because by the time they did, I was getting very pissed with everyone else.

*Deep Breath*

Okay, I think I’m better now. Really. It helps when I remind myself that, since I made extra cash last night, I’ll let myself spend more on Sunday when I go up to The Bead Gallery in Springs before the writers group meeting. I’m hoping The Bead Gallery proves worth the trip to the north side of the city.

Whew

"Another aspect of residual orality present in Austen’s novel is the fact that, at the time it was published, Austen knew many of her readers would not experience Pride and Prejudice as text at all, but through someone else reading aloud."
-Me, Final Paper (15 Pages)

After staring at a computer all day yesterday, I finally finished it in time for my 5:30 class. It gave me a headache and made me tired - some of which is still lingering today. That's all, thank you.

Young Guns & Bad Tippers

"Dirty Steve" Stephens: Damn good riding with you, Chavez.
Chavez: Many nights, my friend... Many nights I've put a blade to your throat while you were sleeping. Glad I never killed you, Steve. You're all right...
-Young Guns

Here we are, almost at the beginning of Finals Week. It’s crunch time. I’ve got a 15 page paper to write (mostly from scratch) by Monday. Instead of writing it, what am I doing? Checking my e-mail, updating this blog, and getting ready to go to the store for Christmas presents. Hey, I still have two whole days before the paper’s due, I can procrastinate if I want to. The upside of this crunch? Once I finish the paper for Monday, I’m done. I’m giving the exact same paper to both of my professors. 1. I don’t want to put the effort into writing a paper just for my Lit. Crit. Class. 2. He likes the papers I’ve written for my other class better than those I write for him anyway.

I’ve come to the conclusion that, even without my campus job, four days at the bar in one week is a bad thing. Ugh. I still have to go back there tonight, too. Damn drunks. Damn drunks who don’t tip.

Word to the wise: If you have enough money to go out drinking, you have enough money to tip. Period. Otherwise – keep your ass at home.

I don’t bring drinks to the drunks for my health. I do it because the bar owners pay me only a few dollars an hour and anything else comes from tips. I can’t pay my bills on my hourly wage. I need tips. It’s that simple. Also, a reasonable tip is a dollar for the beer I bring you, or 15-20% of a tab. People who get a $20-$30 dollar round of drinks and give me a dollar piss me right the hell off. People who don’t tip at all make me want to be violent. You know why they don’t make eye contact when they’re stuffing my tip into their pocket? Because they know they’re being a Shit Head.

Last night, I had a table of four ladies. They paid for their drinks separately and while some tipped okay, others did not. They paid for the food together. $19.27 for the food. They set out $20.00 for me. One of them told me to keep the change. Like there was any fucking way I was bringing back change anyway. Bite me, Ho-bag.

See where the disgruntlement comes from? See why I’m going to college? See why I have an aversion to going to parties where I know people will be getting drunk? Any previous aversion I had to dumbass drunks was only strengthened by working at a bar.

Next week, fortunately, I’m only there two days. This is good. I probably won’t have to kill anyone.

Movie Review: Young Guns. Lots of names I know, like Keifer Sutherland. Weird to see them young. Otherwise, it’s pretty weak. I worked on a loomed bracelet for Julia while watching and looking away from the TV to focus on the beadwork was no big sacrifice. That said, it was kind of fun in a hokey way. Gotta love the obviously 80's score. The Billy the Kid plotline was interesting. Favorite character: Chavez.

9 Degrees, Bar Overload, and Garp

T. S. Garp: (After a plane crashes into a house the real estate agent is showing Garp and his wife) We'll take the house. Honey, the chances of another plane hitting this house are astronomical. It's been pre-disastered. We're going to be safe here."
-Robin Williams, The World According to Garp

Finally! The day’s high will be well over freezing, instead of the below it’s been for almost a week now. Snow will melt, the roads will clear. Hoorah! I’m so happy, it’s not even funny. Yesterday it was nine degrees when I went to the store to get groceries. Nine bloody degrees! It’s not pretty when you have single digit temperatures. Over the course of the week, my car door has frozen shut three times. Can you see why a high of forty-five has me excited?

I just got a call from Kiera.
Her: “Want my shift tomorrow? Midori has her Christmas pageant tomorrow.”
Me: “Okay.”
A few days ago, I was scheduled to work at the bar two nights – Wed. and Sat. Then I said I’d pick up a shift on Friday because Megan couldn’t work. Now I’ve agreed to a Tuesday shift. Four days of waitressing in one week. I’m not excited about that, even though I volunteered. Still, since I’m now on hiatus from the campus job, I can use the money. Especially since Christmas is fast approaching. Christmas, and Christmas shopping. All accounted, I have a light burden – only three people (mom, dad, brother) on my shopping list. Keith and I are planning to do something together in lieu presents, like taking a mini-trip to Estes Park, which still requires moolah.

I’m just glad I’ll have Thursday off, a chance to recuperate. Technically, I have class that night but I’m thinking about skipping. Wait, I can’t. Thursday we’ll do our instructor evaluations and there’s no way in hell I’m missing those for this class which I loathe. Get this – last class I got a paper back that had the comment “Not bad, but what theory are you using?” I went to the prof. and said “About that, I was using Formalism.” He replied, “Well, at this point in the semester, I expect you to do more than that.” The thing is, he never bothered to fucking tell anyone that his criteria had changed from what he said at the beginning of the semester. Maybe on the evaluation I should make the comment that he needs to add to his syllabus that students must exhibit psychic abilities. See? See why I’m frustrated as hell with this class?

Movie Review: The World According to Garp. Any movie that opens on a scene set in 1944 where a young woman is holding an newborn and telling her parents “I didn’t need his [wedding]ring, I needed his sperm” automatically wins my respect. Even though the plot wanders and characters develop in spurts and stops vs. in a followable way, I had to keep watching. Glenn Close’s feature film debut has great odd-ball value and some very wonderful lines. Add John Lithgow as a transsexual ex-football player, and it verges on hysterical in parts. I keep wondering what the movie missed that the book had, but overall, it seems they did an all right job of making a fun movie out of a novel. It’s worth a watch, especially if you have good popcorn and nasty weather outside.

First Snow

Father: [comes into room after gunshots are heard after an arguement with his wife] Hey, champ... pack your bags! We're going on a little trip! To DISNEYLAND!
Son: Is Mom coming?
Father: DISNEYLAND!
-Robot Chicken

When I woke up this morning, I turned on the TV and the morning show weather man told me it was two degrees outside. Which was up from an hour earlier when the temperature was negative two. (Insert expletives here). Only a few days ago, it was sunny and warm. Lovely weather on Thanksgiving, almost nice enough for shorts and a T-shirt. Now there’s snow on the ground, ice on the road, and it’s below zero. Bastards.

Urgent news: Robot Chicken is FUNNY.

Other news: I’ve officially decorated for Christmas – easy to do since all I have is a four foot artificial (pre-lit) tree, a gold garland for my entertainment center, and a wreath. Viola! Christmas! Of course, I still have to do the shopping part. Still, I’m part way ready for the holidays.

TV Review: Queer as Folk. It’s over, *sigh*. You know, in five whole seasons, it never got stale? I think it helped that every season after the first had only 13 or so episodes. Still, top notch TV making.

Movie Review: Straight into Darkness. I had misgivings as soon as I saw the title. They were fulfilled. A film festival wonder, this movie ended up amazing me. What did the Milan film festival see in it? Granted, it’s bizarre, but is that enough? I guess so. Moronic plot, shallow characters, and a dumbass premise all gather together to create this movie that leaves the watcher wondering, “What was the point of that?”

Movie Review: The Aviator. Not bad. Gets a bit weird in spots, a bit drawn out in others. Still, interesting. Makes me very curious about Howard Hughes.

Thwarted Plans

Me: There's a problem with my check.
Payroll office gal: (chuckles) What, they pay you too much?
Me: Actually, yes.
-Conversation, five minutes ago

This morning I made a list in my head of things I need to accomplish. It looked something like this:
1. Write & Mail checks for electric, gas & credit card bill.
2. Pick up work study check from campus.
3. See a professor to get an article from her to summarize for my next paper.
4. Go to the bank.

All was going well, until I got to number two on the list. I went to the cashier, picked up my check, and thought, "That's not right." The check before this one was slightly short due to an error on my part in filling out my time sheet. So, I marked the difference on the sheet, had Katherine sign it and returned it to the payroll office. Instead of adding the difference to my current check, they repaid the whole month. So, here's the dilemma: Do I take the check to the bank, deposit it and count it a windfall? Do I bring attention to the mistake and return the excess money? I opted for the second one. Otherwise, I figure they’ll realize the error sooner or later and I’ll have to write them a check. Then again, maybe they never would have and I’d just have a little more money. Hard to say, really. In any event, I already returned the check. *Sigh* Now I have to make another trip to campus to pick it up.

This brings us to number three. My professor’s office hours are 10-12, MWF. I stopped by her office at 10:50 to find the lights off and the door shut. Why are things being so difficult today? Is there a particular force in the universe that’s decided I’ve been having too easy a time of it lately?

Movie Review: The Transporter. Fittingly, to go with the tone of the rest of the day, this movie was disappointing. When I saw The Transporter 2, and kept rolling my eyes at how insanely far-fetched Jason Statham’s stunts were and how ridiculous the plot was, well, I chalked it up to sequelitis. Little did I know… I mean, come on, the man hijacks a plane so he can jump out of it and parachute onto a moving semi. That, my friends, is pretty damn absurd. Granted, some of the fight scenes were nifty for their creativity, but it just pushes the believability envelope way too far. The high point: Getting to see a very buff Jason Statham without his shirt.

Toilet Paper, Candles, and Pistols

“You got a nice little town here... GREAT PLACE TO DIE!"
-David Bowie, Gunslinger’s Revenge

Yesterday I did some shopping for necessities, toilet paper, and something for a housewarming present for Mishell and Michael. Since I know Mishell likes candles, and since Michael is in touch with his feminine side, I think I’ll make a candle/candle holder for them. A nicely shaped glass, some polymer clay, and viola! holder. Depending on what I find at Hobby Lobby, I’ll add wax and a wick to it also. I love going to Goodwill or the ARC store for glasses, they always have fun and oddball stuff.

Also yesterday, while I was taking a walk and thinking of how I’d get to working on the housewarming present when I went back to my house, I got a call from Kiera “Can you come in for me tonight?” Tough call, but I could use the green stuff, so I agreed. Poof! Crafting canceled on account of waitressing. The worst part was the fact that, thanks to a jazz band that played until almost 11:00 and the drunks who lingered after, I didn’t get to leave until midnight-thirty. Ugh. I got home, decided I would rather stay up just a little longer to take a bath than go to bed smelling of the bar, and ended up not getting to sleep until about 1:30. I was awake, thanks to my internal clock, by 8:15, which means I did not get my preferred eight hours of sleep. To top it off, when I got into my car, the put-on-your-seatbelt chime wouldn’t go off, so I got to drive with the *ding – ding – ding* all the way to campus.

In a fortunate turn of events, however, shortly after I arrived and got to my office, Nicole stopped by. Nothing like gossip to put a more positive spin on one’s morning. She finished watching Firefly this weekend, and I’m ready to return Queer As Folk Season Four (only one more to go!) to her tomorrow. I have this foreboding feeling about Season Five, too, because Season Four ended on, more or less, such a high note. Something bad is going to happen, I can almost promise you.

Movie Review: Gunslinger’s Revenge. A flippin’ hilariously bad movie. It has a few redeeming parts, like the turn at the “big showdown,” but is ultimately pretty stupid. Also not helping is the fact that whenever Leonardo Pieraccioni (Doc Lowen) spoke, his words and his mouth didn’t quite jive. It was also weird to watch a western made by Italians – speaking of things not quite jiving. Add a bit of David Bowie flamboyancy and hoo-boy, it’s absurd. Oh well, they tried.

P.S. Keith picked this one out, not me. :)

Dining Tables and Car Explosions

Michael: You can't open someone else's mail. It's a federal offense.
Hunter: I can see it now: I'm on Death Row awaiting a lethal injection. This mass murderer who killed 48 babies and ate them asks me what I'm being executed for. I say, "Opening Ben's letter."
-Queer as Folk, Season Four

Weird weather this morning. During the ten mile drive from home to campus, I went through an assortment of overcast, sunny, and very foggy weather. Odd stuff. It rained yesterday for a few hours straight in the morning, took a break, and rained for a few hours more in the late afternoon/evening. For the most part, it wasn’t too heavy, which was fortunate since my folks and I went out to Marianne’s mother’s house to pick up a kitchen table and chairs. She wanted to sell me some other stuff, but screw that, I refuse to give her any money. The kitchen table and chairs were free, and now they’re sitting in my kitchen, in place of a card table and folding chairs.

Movie Review: Mad Max. Talk about an over-rated flick. Egad. Throughout the movie I kept having thoughts like: “Why is that important? Why do I care? What was the point of that? Why is everyone mumbling?” Oodles of pointless explosions and car/motorcycle chases combined with people acting stupidly – see the scene where the baddies come after Mel Gibson’s wife, so he grabs a gun and runs off, leaving her behind. Dumbass. Mad Max is ultimately like Predator – dumb as all hell, but fun to make fun of.

Finale, Disappointment and Cookies

Rat: I’d miss you if the human race died from pollution but rats lived on. So I’m dedicating my life to learning the science of preserving mankind.
Dilbert: Conservation?
Rat: Pickling.
-Dilbert

Well, ladies and menfolk, I’m now done with Season Three of Queer as Folk, and I’m hoping against hope that Nicole somehow picked up on my psychic brainwaves (as I forgot to e-mail her) that I want Season Four. I’ll find out pretty soon, since I’m going to class in about twenty minutes. Season finales are interesting things, what’s the right way to go about them? Big bang? Quiet moment? Something completely different? Queer As Folk did an excellent finale for Season Three. Fantastico! Both thematically and cinematically nifty. To see Liberty Avenue change to black and white, then back to color again ala The Wizard of Oz was just badass.

In other news, my mom made Farm Cookies for me, which are at the top of the list of greatest cookies ever. Think oatmeal, but with crunched up Corn Flakes and coconut. Mmm… Other good news, the newest issue of Realms of Fantasy came for me, and I’m taking it to class so I can read it. Ugh, I just looked at the Gallery section (usually one of my favorite parts) and it’s fairies. Please, people. Get original. Can we see some fantasy art that’s more than girlies? Oi. More Michael Whelan, please! He kicks ass.

On a final note: The bar is having kitchen problems, yet again. Last Saturday, Rob wanted part of the day off, so I was scheduled to cover the kitchen from 2:00 – 8:00. At 8:20, I called him to ask where he was. His reply – Denver, I’ll be there in about an hour and a half. Right. Wednesday, he didn’t bother to show up at all. So, in the five months or so I’ve been out of the kitchen (more or less), he’s the second to piss out. Now there’ll be yet another new person who’ll be learning the ropes, and I’ll be filling in meanwhile (yay for me, a pay-cut). Bloody hell, don’t people know how to keep commitments? Since they don’t, I get stuck being the good guy and doing something I don’t want to do. It pisses me off.

Kids & God

Carly: Ali!!
Me: (From the other room) What do you need?
Carly: I can’t see you!
-Conversation, last night

I’ve been babysitting for this family for about eight years now, since the middle child was still in diapers and before the youngest (Carly, age five) was even an eye-twinkle. I’ve babysat her since she was a newborn and it makes for a different dynamic. The parents are out of town for a few days, so I’m staying over. Carly is being a bit clinging since she’s missing mom. Oi. As much as I like the family and the kids, spending that much time playing mom always emphasizes why I don’t want to have my own offspring.

When I mention children to Keith, his response tends to be along the lines of: “If you ever have a kid, I’m leaving you.” An interesting thing to say, since he says nothing about me cheating on him, which creates the assumption that the kid he’d dump me over would be his own. An interesting point, yes, but ultimately moot. Just goes to show that, for all that I love Keith, he’s a stubborn ass on some points.

Movie Review: Bruce Almighty. When I was a kid, I liked The Mask. Otherwise, I didn’t think about Jim Carrey much. Now that I’m older, I think even less about him, with the exception of The Majestic – a pretty decent, if ultimately forgettable, movie. Anyhow, going into Bruce Almighty I wasn’t sure what to expect. The idea of literally playing God is interesting, and Morgan Freeman plays the Big Guy in a great way, but there are annoying over-the-top moments where Carrey whips out his trade-mark Ace Ventura gags. Ugh. Still, he was toned down. Overall, a decent movie – though, like The Majestic, I don’t think it’ll stick in my head very long.

Movie Trio + Class-Based Whining

Turkey Creek Jack Johnson: Why you doin' this, Doc?
Doc Holliday: Because Wyatt Earp is my friend.
Turkey Creek Jack Johnson: Friend? Hell, I got lots of friends.
Doc Holliday: I don't.
-Tombstone

I finished Season two of Queer as Folk, and didn’t realize I had until I put the next disc in, only to realize it was all special features. I do like special features, but I wanted more episodes, dang it! Nicole is very entertained that she’s got me hooked. She’s bringing Season three to our Lit. Crit. class tomorrow.

Writers Group this month was fairly slim, only nine of us and only two fresh submissions. I slacked. I blame it on my classes. Yeah. It’s all my professors’ fault.

Great news! Slither is now out on DVD. It’s hilarious, gross, and full of innuendo. Watch it! Oh, the wonderful lines. Full of colorful language, for sure, but very, very funny. Nathan Fillion is, of course, wonderful. Keep an eye out for nifty DVD extras, such as a behind-the-scenes tour with Nathan and a clip of cast & crew ragging on him, saying how horrible he is (mundo funny). There’s also a neat clip showing the different stages of some visual effects.

Movie Review: Tombstone. Oh, I love this movie. It’s everything a great western is – funny, gritty, and full of great lines. Watch out for Doc Holliday (Val Kilmer), most of the things that come out of his mouth are just great, like, “You are a good woman. Then again, you just might be the antichrist.” Kurt Russell, Bill Paxton, and Sam Elliot are featured as the Earp brothers and do great jobs being generally tough bastards – particularly Russell and Elliot. Keep an eye out for a Charlton Heston Cameo.

Movie Review: Tristram Shandy: A Cock and Bull Story. The period parts were fun, the “behind-the-scenes” bits were mostly boring as all hell. Makes me curious to read the novel – which, since it’s assigned reading for my Lit. Crit. class, is probably a good sign.

West Side Snoring

"Although "West Side Story" was named the best picture of 1961 and won 10 Academy Awards, it is not much mentioned by movie fans these days..."
-Roger Ebert, http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20040215/REVIEWS08/402150301/1023

We've been hearing for a few days about this big nasty blizzard that was going to hit last night. Co. Springs got nailed and everything is closed - even the Air Force Academy. Here in P. Town it just began snowing (instead of raining) around 9:30 this morning. We may get nasty weather yet. My class tonight's been cancelled, which is great. Now, all I have to do is find Nicole, trade her Queer as Folk DVDs, then go home and watch Season Two. Couch, here I come!

Movie Review: West Side Story. I watched the famous movie last night, sorta. I ended up fast forwarding a lot and skipping entire scenes. Classic movie, eh? Bah. Not that good. Ebert's review pretty much says everything I would, except unlike him, I didn't give a fig about all the dancing. A moment here and there and it was fun, but egad - if I wanted to see the ballet, I'd go to the ballet.

Queers and Casanova

Brian: So in other words, for Justin to live here with you, he has to deny who he is... what he thinks... and how he feels. Well, that's not love. That's hate.
-Queer as Folk, Season One

Good news! The gal at work who I have a hard time standing gave her two-weeks notice and will no longer be at the bar. Hoorah!

On Friday night (the one I requested off but couldn’t get it because whiney gal – see above – swindled her way into getting it off instead) I went to work only to find out that the bartender who was scheduled for downstairs called off. Long story short, Jan said I could go home. Yeah, I ended up getting the night off after all, but only after I showed up and skipped the Hungry Eye reading because I knew I wouldn’t make it until 2 a.m. without a nap. Ugh. The bright side – Constance, Lynn, and Nicole were at the bar so I chatted with them for a while then went to Nicole’s to watch the pilot episode of Queer as Folk. She let me take Season One home and I did a Queer marathon. Now I need Season Two.

One thing I must say about the show is the writers are good. This is a show where they set up a situation and I think, “Now, if they were smart they’d do this,” and they do. It also pisses me off because a lot of the being smart means not resolving all the issues they bring up in a given episode, which means I have to watch the next one to find out what happened (except they bring up something else and don't resolve it so I have to watch another episode, and it just goes on like that). They really pissed me off, though, with the Season One finale. At the end of the episode, Justin is rushed to the hospital thanks to one of the students at his school taking a baseball bat to his head. We see him pulled out of the ambulance, blood everywhere. We see Brian sitting on a bench, also bloody. We see Michael come and sit by Brian, obviously worried. We see the credits. So, what happened to Justin?! Bastards. Of course, I know he lives, but damnit, that was mean of them. Luckily, since I’m doing the DVDs vs. watching it on real TV, I don’t have to wait months to get to the next season. Ha! I just have to catch up with Nicole.

Movie Review: Casanova. Yeah, um. No. Come on people, Casanova was a man-slut. “Rewriting” him as the man-slut turned loyal hubbie type is just wrong. Give me a friggin’ break. I love Heath Ledger, but this movie fell flat. Sienna Miller was good as Francesca, and Charlie Cox was cute. Ultimately, though, the plot conflicts were resolved too neatly, everything/everyone got matched up and tied in a pretty knot. Ugh. Get real. Yeah, the Masterpiece Theatre Casanova kicks this one's ass.

Guess what? I just looked up Russell T. Davies on imdb.com and found out that not only is he responsible for producing Queer as Folk he is also responsible for the Masterpiece Theatre version of Casanova! Funny ol' world, aint it?

How to Make Rouladen

If you google rouladen you can find dozens of recipes. Here is the recipe my mom taught me, courtesy of my german grandparents. Note: my mom makes them much wider than I do, entree size vs. appetizer size. I made these last night, letting them simmer while I watched Desperate Housewives. Mmm...

Ingredients:
Beef roast, approx. 1 & 1/2 lb.s
Bacon, approx. 1 lb
Pickle spears, 1 regular sized jar
Mustard, approx. 1/4 cup
Toothpicks
White wine, 1/2 cup
Water, 1/2 cup
Oil/butter, 1 Tbs

Slice the roast into thin strips, roughly as wide and long as half a slice of bacon. I like to partially freeze the roast before I cut it, that way it's much easier to get even slices. Cut the bacon in half (whole strips are usually too long). Cut the pickles in thirds.

Assembly: Lay a slice of beef on your prep. surface. Smear the top side with mustard. Lay a piece of bacon on the beef, then roll them up together with a pickle in the middle. Use a toothpick to secure the roll.

Once all of the rolls are assembled, put them in a large pan with the oil and brown them. Then add the wine and water and simmer for at least half an hour. Viola! Rouladen. You can eat them in civilized fashion with a fork and knife, or just eat them off the toothpicks (make sure you have a napkin handy, though).

'Twas a Dark and Chilly Day

"I got one foot stuck in paradise, another foot in the grave"
-"One Foot," Seven Nations

Last night it rained where I live and thirty miles north they got the year’s first snow storm. Today it was actually colder at 2pm than 10am. Go figure. Winter’s coming. ‘Tis the season when I wish I had a fireplace. I do, however, have hand-crocheted afghans that my grandma made, flannel bed sheets, and flannel PJs.

Gotta work at the bar tonight, and I’d much rather not. What I’d like to do tonight is go home and curl up on the couch with my latest Netflix DVDs and a cup of something warm to drink. Mmm… Instead, I get to go to work. Ugh. Still the worst of it won’t be until this weekend – which was remarkably like last weekend – when I’m scheduled for both Friday and Saturday. The up-side of this weekend is that I asked for Friday off, and since I didn’t get it, Marianne scheduled me for a short shift (5-midnight). The down-side is that my coworker for the night noticed, “But isn’t the person who gets here first (4 o’clock) supposed to go home first?”

“Yes, but I asked for the day off.”

“Well, do you think I could go home first, ‘cause I have a test to study for and I flunked it the first time, and I really need to study.”

“We’ll see.” (Nuh-uh)

The part that makes it worse is that this gal only works at the bar one night a week. If she was scheduled to be back Saturday, I’d send her home first without much thought. However, since I’m the one due back Saturday, I’m not feeling generous. After all, I’ve got school demands too. Also not on her side is the fact that she tends to whine and gives the impression, whenever she’s working, that she’d rather be anyplace else. A kind of bare-minimum type of gal who asks for a lot of favors but has yet to do any for me. *Sigh* Can you tell I don’t care for her much?

In other news, my CDs from CD Universe came. I now have seven more albums than I did yesterday, mostly Church, but also Eve 6, Seven Nations, Third Eye Blind, and Rusted Root. These are the first new albums (save one GBS) I’ve bought in six months, maybe more. It makes me happy to think I can go home and fill my stereo (holds 5-discs) with completely new music. Yay!

Movie Review: Beloved. I read the novel a few years ago in class and, from what I remember of it, the film is very true to the gist – if not quite every single detail – of the story. Danny Glover is great as Paul D, and Oprah holds her own as Sethe. Denver and Beloved were also cast well and the actresses deliver high-caliber performances. Watching the movie, I couldn’t help but think of certain parts of the non-fiction book Black Like Me, by John Howard Griffin. Though the book was written in the late 1960’s a lot of the same themes occur in both. The most striking instance is the scene in Beloved where Sethe kills her baby and one of the white men, who came after her to take her and her children back to slavery, calls her an animal. Griffin addresses the stereotype of African Americans as somehow subhuman, and basically says “Can you blame people for it when you’re the one driving them to it?” The event he’s talking about is different, but the principal is there. A good movie, but not for a superficial viewer.