T.A. Application

"Applicants should submit a statement of interest and qualification to the Program Coordinator by April 10. They also should request two recommendations from graduate faculty members using the attached form."

Step One: Get recommendations. Check
Step Two: Write letter. Not check.

I will come right out and admit it first thing – I’m a little freaked out. I’m scared that I won’t get the TA and scared that I will, and I don’t know which one would be worse. Getting it would be a step in the right direction toward becoming a full-fledged professor one day. Getting it would also mean a big new time commitment and the possibility that I’ll make an ass of myself trying to teach when I can’t handle it. Not getting it takes the pressure off. It also means no tuition waiver and no step in the right direction – along with the implication that my qualifications aren’t sufficient.

Katherine and David have both finished their recommendations for me. All I need to do is write a letter, a short one, and submit it. I’m having a case of intimidation based writer’s block. I don’t know what to put in my letter. Should it be longish? Shortish? How much does it really count, anyway? The selection committee is made up of English faculty, which means they pretty much already know me. Katherine’s more or less running our campus composition program, which means her say has a lot of weight. So, if she thinks I can/should be a TA, that means extra points toward getting it.

I’m trying to figure out why I’m so anxious and I think it comes down to: if I get it, I’m afraid I’ll figure it was too easy – no one else applied, the faculty already know me. Then, if I don’t get it – they didn’t think I could do it? Ugh. All right, I’ve got to write my letter. All I’ve got to do is write it and turn it in. Then it’s out of my hands, right? Then I can stop worrying about it. Just as soon as I spend ten minutes writing the letter, I can relax. Right?