Karmic Deficit

Working at a bar means having certain principles illustrated time and again. One is Murphy's Law, the other is this idea that the Universe likes balance.

Wednesday was a great night. This means that on the Universe's balance sheet, my account was in the red. I had more than met my quota of ideal customers, but came up short on the idiots, pains in the ass, and bad tippers. Since I have today off, that means I had to make up for my karmic deficit all in one night - last night. Hoorah!

A while back I told Marianne we were getting busy enough during happy hour to warrant two people on the floor by six. She schedules me at four and new guy at five. It's pretty quiet when I get there, and still quiet when new guy does. After a brief, "howdy," I do a go 'round of my tables and then it's kind of boring for a while, during which time I find out that new guy is originally from Springs where he did a lot of bouncer work, that his wife does in-home nursing care, that he's got a one year old son, and that most barnacles are gay.

I get a table of two gals who I recognize from coming in before. One I like, one I'm indifferent to. They start with some moscow mules and pretzels. A guy sits down at the table beside them and is pretty nice and low maintenance. Two regular ladies come in, I say "The usual?" and M tells me it's L's B-day, so I say, "Well then, that first Guiness is on the house." They give me a couple of big smiles. Then I go check on the two ladies who've settled in on the comfy seats at the other end of the place. They're drinking wine, chatting, and in a very good mood.

Now, at this point it looks like a pretty good group, right? A couple people I like outright, a couple who seem alright. Fast forward: it stays slow and fairly boring all through happy hour and there's both of us to twiddle our thumbs instead of just me. The birthday party closes out and moves on, leaving their standard tip of about 18%. The wine-drinking ladies do the same, leaving $6 on a $14 check. They rock. With them, however, also goes the last of my good luck for quite some time.

The other two tables both hang out for a few hours. The guy by himself has a friend join him, who, as soon as I bring him his first drink says, "You are officially my hero." Cheers. Everything's going well with that table, the two guys are all smiles and real friendly. I even give 'em a few songs on the jukebox. It seems like we've hit it off, right? $46 tab, $5 tip. Thanks.

Meanwhile, gal I like has left and a new gal has joined the other one. They split a sandwich, have more drinks. A couple guys join 'em. Finally, they're ready for their check. One of the new guys: $9 check, $0 tip. The two gals, $71 check, $5 tip. Thanks a bucket.

During this time I also get to contend with everybody being in the way, starting to get a sore throat from all the talking over people and saying "EXCUSE ME," and I've got the annoying woman. She comes in with her friends, gives me a card to start a tab. I say, "Where are you sitting?"
Annoying woman: We have to sit down?
Me: It helps. It also helps keep the walkways clear. (I mean, obviously we have tables and chairs to encourage people to stand around in the way all night.)
She sits down, sorta, and orders a half & half, but with Bud Light instead of Harp - and what the bloody hell is that about? I'm not even a beer drinker, and even I know better than that. Then, when the layers don't hold, she tells me "I ordered a half and half, what's this?"
Me: A half and half. I guess the layers didn't hold since it was Bud Light.
Annoying woman: (mutters something about how she comes here all the time and never has problems, therefore implying that I am the problem, thank you very much)
Me: Would you like me to have them try again?
Annoying woman: No.
Me: Super.

At around eleven thirty, we've slowed down.
Damian: Since we're slow and there's not much money to be made split two ways, you want me to go home since I'm the new guy?
Me: Nah. I've gotta show you how to close, so that means we both get to be here until two. Yay! I'm gonna head downstairs for a while. If you need me, come get me.

I like going downstairs when I'm really annoyed because then I get to be behind the bar for a while and I like that barrier between me and the horde, also since I usually wash glasses to help Dave #2 catch up it means I'm doing something that doesn't require me to pretend to be friendly with drunk strangers. It's beautiful. While I'm down there I talk with Dave #2 and Jamie for a while, and watch while Jamie makes a new best friend. I head back up, abandoning her to her fate.

Still boring. I go back down.

Jamie: Thanks a lot for ditching me.
Me: No problem, any time.
Jamie: You know what that guy said to me? He said, "Hey, I'm not trying to hit on you... but I have a sister your age... I love you."
Me: Aw, isn't that sweet?
Dave #2: Makes you feel incestous, doesn't it?

Back upstairs I sit by the very front table for a bit. Donny comes over and tells K.C. about this one crazy guy wandering around. Turns out to be Jamie's new best friend.
Donny: You know what he said to me? He came up to me at the bar and said, "Why are you riding a horse?" I mean, what the fuck?

To sum up: Despite the obnoxiousness of the night, I managed to wash away the homicidal urges by leaving Damian to take care of things whilst I hung out with Dave#2 and taught Jamie how to play Gin. The new guy seems alright, though still more in bouncer mode than server mode, but that's just a matter of time. Thanks to my karmic deficit, by the two o'clock this morning I walked out of the bar having made a whopping $5 more than I did on Wednesday, even though I was there four and a half hours longer and had $200 more in sales. I'd say that I'm back in the black with the Universe.