People Who Aren't As Smart As They Think They Are

Over the past few weeks, every night I've been at the bar someone has played Queen's "Fat Bottomed Girls" on the jukebox. Dave and I had a running joke about it and every time it played, we'd say something about another night in the streak. Alas, tonight, no one played it. I considered putting it on myself whilst picking out a few on the box, but it just didn't seem right. Oh well, we had a good run. Alternately, we've also had a run of people who aren't that smart. Here are my favorites.

Me: (going up to a table) How are you guys doing?
Gal: (puzzled look) Can I order drinks through you?

Gal: I dunno what I want. What do you suggest?
Me: Well, are you looking for something strong, or not so much?
Gal: Not strong.
Me: (noticing she's looking at the martini list) Well, probably not a martini then.
Gal: I like martinis.
Gal's friend: You should have a Cosmo.
Gal: I'll have a Cosmo.
Of all the questions I'm asked, being asked to suggest something is my least favorite. This is an example as of why. Tonight, though, when I mentioned it to Dave, he said, "People only ask me that once. I always suggest something totally bizarre and they never ask again." I'll have to remember that. This is another reason why Dave is my hero.

Guy: What's your name?
Me: Ali.
Guy: Like Mohammed Ali. I'm going to call you Mohammed.
And so he did. He was very entertained, but he also kept tipping me pretty well, so he managed to stay within my tolerance threshold.

Gal: (coincidentally, at the same table with previous guy) I need some salt.
This one's not so as blatantly dumb as the others. It's just that there is a difference between want and need, and statements don't work so well as requests. I'm not even asking for a "please" here, just that requests be phrased in the form of a question. It's not that hard, really.

And now, for one that was more entertaining to me and not a dumb comment.
Me: (Rattle off beers on tap)
Gal: Hey, that was alphabetical.
When I became a cocktail waitress, I memorized the beers on tap. While it's not that hard to memorize a handful of beers, I was also learning everything else, and remembering the tab beers in order helped me keep them straight. For a little over two years now I've been rattling off the tap beers alphabetically and this gal was the only one who's ever made a comment, and probably just about the only one who's ever even noticed. That she pointed it out made me like her immediately.