Drawing (on) Co-Workers

"I'll see you 'round. Like a donut."
-John

Well, tomorrow is John's last day which means the disappearance of a good co-worker and another round of the lottery that is replacing someone. It's almost a game, like drawing a name out of a hat, to see who'll come in next. Sometimes it works out well, sometimes it's a wreck. You just never can tell.

Speaking of drawing, I've lately been drawing on my co-workers. Last week, on that ever-so-dead Wednesday (not that this one was any different - I had nine customers, nine, all night) I was sitting at the bar and so was Alex. On impulse, I reached over and drew a smiley face on his hand. He looked at me like I'd grown a second head (which is a look he's perfected) and I said, "It's a smiley face" then there were threats of mustaches, which luckily were never realized.

On Saturday, I redrew spiders on Julia's arms. They were part of her costume somehow. Then, tonight when it was late and I was tired and John was standing at the server station with his arm propped up on the rail and his elbow all stickin' out like, I realized I had an opportunity. I pulled out a pen and added a smiley face to that elbow. Again with the "Why do you have two heads all of a sudden look?"

I wonder if I should attempt to doodle on all of my co-workers. I think it may be unwise. I can't imagine Dave being thrilled with it, and while I'm not above being a minor pest, I do my best to avoid pissing people off. Well, people I work with at least. Which is a perfect segue.

There was a guy sitting at the bar who, as I passed in a hurry, said: I have a question for you.
Me: Yeah?
Guy: How much's a pitcher?
Me: (Walking right on by) Depends on what you order. (Seriously, if I am busy and you are not my customer, don't bother me. That's what the bartenders, who'll be getting your tip, are for.)
So, maybe an hour later...
Same guy: (waves me over. I contemplate blowing him off, but instead give in to this idea that I should be nice to people - which turns out to be ironic) Hey.
Me: Yeah?
Guy: Why're you so mean?
Me: (silence out-loud, but in my head it was more like: Because I have no interest in being nice to you for absolutely no reason, person who's wasting my time)
Of course at that point, a drunk I waited on for a bit hours earlier comes to my defense or something, hard to understand the mumbling. Guy promptly loses interest and turns back to his friend.

Me: (to a big table) How's everyone?
Guy: I'll have another cranberry vodka.
Me: Okay, anyone else?
Guy/Girl at the same time: No, wait, that's a girly drink, I want a vodka tonic./Me too.
Me: (to girl) Which one? The vodka cranberry or the vodka tonic?
Girl: What's the difference?

Guy: We'll have two white russians, and I'd like a shot.
Me: What kind?
Guy: You pick.
Me: Well, do you want a mixed shot or something straight?
Guy: Anything. Just surprise me.
It's great when people do this. Really. I tried for something kinda safe, a shot of Cabo Wabo. A couple minutes later...
Me: Was the shot all right?
Guy: Nah. I don't like tequila. I like that you had the balls to give it to me, though.
It's rare for people to take my lack of psychic power so well, so even if he wasn't all that bright about the "surprise me" thing, at least he wasn't a jerk about the results. I have to respect him for that.

Guy sitting at the bar, chatting with Dave: Then she said, 'I don't know how to change a tire.' Thirty minutes later, she knew. Of course, I didn't have sex for two weeks after... The moral high ground is a lonely place.

Lawyer gal: Anyone who has a crush on me... something is wrong. He's barking up the wrong tree.

Right, not much by way of bar hightlights, I know, but Wednesday was insanely slow and tonight I was much too busy to eaves drop. Sales-wise, the last time I did so much was a Friday a long time ago when my co-server called off sick and it was just me all night. Tonight, I did within fifty dollars of my all-time high and that was with John coming in at nine and me leaving at 11:30. Alas, quite a lot of lousy (or lacking) tips in the mix, but that's the way it goes.

On the news they're talking about how we're getting a smoke haze here all the way from California. For the past few days I've been feeling it in my dried-out eyes. I can only imagine how many people theorized about my sobriety tonight. Cheers.

I'm off tomorrow. It's terribly exciting.

Now I just have to keep my fingers crossed that we have good numbers for the co-worker lottery. Please, please, please let the new person not be a complete waste of space/annoying as hell.