I'm a Tipper! and Anatomy Wars

Tonight, before the arrival of the screaming girlies, one of my brother's friends came in with two friends to celebrate his birthday. It's the big 2-1 ladies and gents (or was, anyhow). Brother's friend and his buddy ordered a variety of drinks, trying out a bit of everything I think, while the gal drank water and had some grins at their expense. It's funny to watch people who aren't used to having alcohol do a few rounds. Since he was my brother's friend, and a fellow English major at the University, I did what I could to take good care of them and give them a little extra attention. My favorite line:
Brother's friend's friend (pointing): He's drunk.
Brother's friend: No he's not. He's drinking water. (Grabs some popcorn). He's eating popcorn.
-I almost interjected with a line about how it's a bad sign to refer to yourself in third person, but I opted to refill his water glass instead.

Guy: Sorry to bother you, but where's your bathroom?
Me: Just down the hall, to your right.
Guy: Thanks. (walks off)
Alex: What'd he want?
Me: He wanted to know where the bathroom was. (I glance over) And now he's going past the bathroom, and now he's going out the back door. I hope he can find his way back.

Gal, to guy at the bar: Hey there. Good to see ya. Where's Jane?
Guy: Oh, she's at home. I got her knocked up.
Gal: Ooh, when's the baby due?
Guy: April-ish.
Gal (to the other gal beside her): They're married, so it's okay.

Apparently there are lots of birthdays going on now. Just Wednesday I had an annoying group come in to celebrate a gal's birthday (also 21st). As it happens, this was the same night we were trying to get rid of the last of keg of beer so it could be replaced with a different beer and so offering pints for only a dollar. Cheap booze does not bring out the best in people.

One of birthday girl's friends gets excited about the cheap beer and orders a pint for herself and one for her boyfriend. I get a dollar tip the first time, then no tip at all the next half-dozen. Classy. Then, b-day girl's dad does some annoying stuff, but consistently gives me a buck or two each round. When I bring his last beer he gives me a dollar bill. I take it, and turn to go (having exact change for me = not having a tip for me). Guy starts digging through his pockets: Hang on, I'm looking for something for you. I'm a tipper!
-I almost told him I was fresh out of gold stars, but he sounded so very proud of himself that I couldn't bear to give him a reality check.

Another of b-day girl's friends goes to the jukebox, then says to me: I need a one dollar beer. (Not the type of beer, mind you, but a one dollar beer - because the one dollar part is the most important). I nod, then finish making change for another table because he can wait a minute. Guy walks away from the jukebox, goes to a spot on the bar right next to me and tells Dave: I need a one dollar beer.
-Ah, yes. Truly our society's finest.

Sharon: I haven't seen Igor again. I wonder if he only goes out on Halloween.
Dave: He was a nice gentleman.
Sharon. Yeah. Kinda quiet.

Two of our regulars head down the hall. The gal comes back: What? I'm a girl. How am I out of the bathroom first?

Gal, to guy (while I was standing right beside them, delivering drinks to their table): Those girls, they're fighting over you.
Guy: What are they fighting over me for?
Gal: They're fighting over your penis.