F*-Me Red

This weekend was a busy one. We had the post-Thanksgiving boozer yesterday and the parade of lights tonight (which goes right past our front door). Friday was busy and tonight was just as hectic. The weird part was that while the Friday crowd's ebb & flow was pretty normal, tonight our big crowd was pretty well done and gone by nine thirty. This made for a slow remainder of the night, which also made for a more sociable evening of me chatting with various folk who wandered in.

Yesterday...

Me: (Talking about putting up my Christmas decorations) They're all inside, you can't see them outside.
Alex: You can see them through the windows.
Me: Nah, I usually keep my blinds closed.
Alex: That's not what I've heard.
Me: That's it. You're not invited to my Christmas party.

Then, our downstairs bartender didn't show up on time. Someone called to get him there, the place was pretty full by then and we needed the basement opened. His explanation: "I forgot what day it was." The sad thing is, I can totally relate.

Luke: Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. I guess they finally let you out of your cage.
Me: Yeah, 'cause I've been taking so much time off lately, what with working here that extra day every week.

Then, today...

A couple walks into an Irish pub (aka my bar) and the guy asks me: Are you Irish?
Me: Nope.
Guy: I'm Irish.
Me: Jeepers, that must be exciting for you.
(Alejandro, aka Alex, our Mexican cook, was entertained by the guy's assumption)

There was makeup of some sort (eyeshadow maybe) that's been left at the server station for a week now. I figured it was time it was returned.
Me: Hey Alex, you forgot your makeup.
Alex: No, I think that's yours.
Me: Nah, I don't wear makeup.
Alex: Yeah right.
Then we argued a bit about it. Dunno why he didn't believe me. Let's face it folks, I'm too lazy for makeup and I figure most guys get along just fine without eyeshadow and lip liner, so why can't I skip it too? Inevitably, it didn't end there.

A few hours later, Julia had to run to Walgreens and while she was there, she picked up a new color of lip "stain." After our initial busy, busy, busy rush, the crowd had vanished and we started talking about closing early.
Me: So, what's a good time, you think?
Julia: (Holding out the lip stain) Try this on, then I'll tell you.
Me: Or, you could just tell me.
Julia: Nope. Try it on. (To guy sitting at the bar) This is the first time Ali's tried on lipstick in her whole life.
Guy: (impressed) Are you a Mormon?
Me: No, dude. She was being facetious.
What could I do? I put the stuff on. Dark red, mind you, a color Julia had some very crass comments about, even. Turns out my cosmetic endeavor was in vain. There was a crowd downstairs and we closed at the normal time. At some point in between, who should come in, but Alex who promptly pointed at me and said: Ha!

Nathan: I was twenty three once.
Me: A long, long time ago.
Nathan: (Without missing a beat) In a galaxy far, far away.

Tonight, post midnight, a handful of people I know/went-to-school-with-my-whole-life wandered in. One group was three guys I went to school with, though I only recognized the one right away. He would be the one who once made a dumb comment to me which prompted my friend Phil to turn to me and offer physical violence against the guy. I wasn't offended because I'd known this guy since elementary school and thought it was funny more than anything else. He's never been a bright one. Anyhow, he and two other guys I went to school with, plus girlie, wandered in. I said to Julia: I really don't wanna wait on them.
Julia: Just ignore 'em and they'll come up to the bar.
Later I spotted another two, though not with the same group. What gives? Why are they coming to my bar? Aren't there plenty in town they could go to and not make me have to look at them? Yeesh.

Then, just before that bunch came in, two gals and a guy walked in. One of the gals went to my high school (but was a year or two younger). The other gal is the older sister of my brother's friend who came in a couple of weeks ago for his 21st. The guy I met when I worked at the Raptor Center. As a bonus, he might be able to help me get in touch with a mutual friend who I'm kind of worried about. This threesome had just come from the bar across the street.
Sister of my brother's friend: It was full of dumb drunks. They thought they were being all smooth and (makes kissy face)... Ugh.
Me: Yeah, that's the thing with drunks. They tend to think they're being cooler than they really are.
SBF: Oh well. We like it better here anyway.

And here I'll finish this post with a non-politically correct joke from Donny.
Donny: Why doesn't Jesus eat M&Ms?
Me: I dunno, why?
Donny: Because they keep falling through the holes in his hands.